Changing the Game with Sky Betting and Gaming - 3XE Digital

I Want You to Play More Adventure Games (Part II: 1994-2000)

PREVIOUS POST -- PART ONE
I wanted to continue my discussion of adventure games considered the greatest of all time. As before, this is not an exhaustive list but I have carefully aggregated reviews from a variety of sources to make my decision.
Many wondered why certain titles weren't included on the previous list. This is because the list only went up to 1993! Let us go beyond and discover the later years of the Golden Age of Adventure Games and find out where it all went wrong.
First, I want to give props to sites like Adventure Gamers and YouTubers like PushingUpRoses who produce excellent reviews of these games, far better than anything I'm likely to write here. Second, if you don't like adventure games, and don't think you ever will, this list may not be for you. The title of this post is not an imperative, just a hope that you'll find entertainment as I have, and that I can share some of that with you.
1994-1997: The Rise of Pre-Rendered 3D, FMV, and 16 bit graphics
By the mid-90’s, we were saying fond farewell to DOS, as Windows and other 16- and 32-bit operating systems took its place. It was a transitional period, some games released had installation options for both DOS and Windows on the same disk. With the rise of improved graphics and commonality of CD-ROM drives, we see larger games with more intensive assets. Pixel graphics gave way to a more cartoony style which would last until the rise of 3D rendered models a few years later.
Honorable Mentions
Soft recommends: (ie, if I don't include these, people will talk)
1998-2000: Hardware-rendered 3D and the death of the classic adventure game
Some blame Myst. Some blame Quake, Doom, and Unreal. Whoever is to blame, but the late 80's, everyone knew 3D gaming was the future. They knew it! I mean, why have lush 2D backgrounds and characters when you could have clunky, boxy models in a pre-rendered space? This spelled the end of the classic adventure, as sales during this time period were lackluster and the cost of making these games increased due to the new 3D mandate.
Isn't it weird how obsessed with 3D models we became? Pixar comes out with a few movies, a few years later, Disney decides all animated movies have to be computer generated from then on. Maybe it was cheaper, I'm just impressed by how quickly they went from The Lion King to "Home on the Range sucked, only CGI from now on." And don't try to tell me that the models looked good; "Chicken Little" looks dreadful compared to "Lilo & Stitch."
Anyway, around this time, we also started getting more story-heavy games in previously shallow genres: RPGs, long noted for their storyline, were gaining mainstream appeal thanks to Final Fantasy VII and its ilk. Action/shooter games like Half-Life and Metal Gear Solid and Deus Ex showed that games can have good storytelling and narrative. Even when adventure games stopped being produced by major studios, it's not like I suddenly stopped playing games. Post-2000, I could still get my story fix in games like Silent Hill 1 & 2, Halo, Kingdom Hearts, Baldur's Gate, and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, not to mention all the Zeldas, Fallouts, and Resident Evils of that time. Let's look at some of the games that helped usher out the era:
Honorable mention:
TO BE CONTINUED
So that's it, the end of the Golden Age. What came next? I will be back, talking about Syberia, some releases for Nintendo DS, and maybe pointing out a few visual novels that cross the line into adventure game territory (yes, that means Phoenix Wright), before getting into the modern era of the last 8 years.
Edit: Altered the list to move Quest for Glory V out of top spot. How'd it get there?
Edit 2: Added links to all titles I could find for sale online.
submitted by TheFett to patientgamers [link] [comments]

Half-bear, half-owl, all-murder. The ferocious Owlbear might look cute, but its only interest in you is how tasty you are - Lore & History

If we had to rank the ugliest Dungeons & Dragons monsters, the Owlbear is definitely near the top along with the otyugh and the AD&D orcs. The Owlbear was created by Gary Gygax who was looking for new monsters for his players to fight. He found this kaiju monster toy in a small shop that labeled it as a ‘prehistoric animal’ and, along with other great monsters like the rust monster and the bulette, inducted it into the game. While the Owlbear was originally modeled by a toy company in China, it’s growth and development in Dungeons & Dragons can be credited to Gary Gygax and all the designers after him.
If you find yourself curious as to what the original toy Gygax designed the Owlbear off of, luckily Tony Diterlizzi, the awesome artist who did a lot of work for Planescape and the 2nd edition Monstrous Manual, shared it on his blog as well as a few others that Gygax had created. It’s fascinating to see these old chinasaurs and makes you want to run to a dollar store and see what horrifying ‘dinosaurs’ you can find to throw at your own party.
 

OD&D - Owl Bear

No. Appearing: 2-5
Armor Class: 5
Move: 12”
Hit Dice: 5
% in Lair: 40%
No. of Attacks: 2 claws/1 bite
Damage/Attack: 1-6/claw****, 1-12/bite
Treasure: C
**** hug on score of 18 or better causes 2-16 points of additional damage
The Owlbear, or as it was actually introduced Owl Bear, was featured in the supplement, Greyhawk (1975). The story behind its creation was that Gygax used a plastic toy from the Godzilla movies created by the company in Hong Kong. These toys were the inspiration behind a few of the early monsters Gygax used in his early games. Tim Kask, one of the first playtesters who later became the editor for Dragon magazine tells the story as follows:
There once was an unknown company in Hong Kong that made a bag of weird animal-things that were then sold in what once were called dime stores or variety stores for like $.99. I know of four other very early monsters based on them. Gary and I talked about how hard it was to find monster figures, and how one day he came upon this bag of weird beasts…He nearly ran home, eager as a kid to get home and open his baseball cards.
Tim Kask, Forums on Dragonsfoot.org
Kask goes on to say that the figures were the inspiration for the rust monster, purple worm, carrion crawler, umber hulk, and, of course, the Owlbear. Looking at a picture of this odd yellow-colored toy, we aren’t sure how he thought the creature looks like a combination of a bear and an owl. It seems more like a twisted version of Big Bird from Sesame Street if Big Bird was a flesh-eating, homicidal maniac.
The creature that Gygax created is described as having a ‘horrid visage and disposition’ but we suppose if people kept calling us horrid looking, we’d be angsty too. Their bodies are furry with thick skin, and its head has feathers covering most of that area. Our poor, genetically confused creature is one nasty customer, as it had multiple dangerous attacks. The Owlbear was able to attack with its giant beak, though calling the thing on its face a beak doesn’t really do it justice as it is a massive curved protrusion. While the attack is actually listed as a bite, we’re sure its not the Owlbear’s teeth that cause the damage. We’re convinced it’s the beak that the creature tries to impale you upon that does most of the damage.
Next up for our horrifying genetic mistake is that it gets a bit goofy with its claw attacks. Instead of trying to open your head with its can-opener beak, the Owlbear can make two claw attacks. If the DM rolls an 18+ on the attack, the Owlbear gets to hug you. Now, this isn’t a nice gentle squeeze from grandma, but a hug from a creature that is 8 feet tall and weighs around 1,500 pounds. You’ll take 2-16 points of damage and settle for a handshake next time.
 

Basic D&D - Owlbear

Armor Class: 5
Hit Dice: 5
Move: 120’ (40’)
Attacks: 2 claws/1 bite
Damage: 1-8 each
No. Appearing: 1-4
Save As: Fighter 3
Morale: 9
Treasure Type: C
Alignment: Neutral
The Owlbear is introduced in the Dungeons & Dragons Basic Set (1971) followed by the Basic Sets from 1981 and 1983. For such a confusing and strange creature, the description is incredibly brief and a bit… strange. We understand why the Owlbear would live in the deep dark forest, but underground? Owls and bears live in the forest, not a dungeon. Described as a bear-like creature with an owl head, there is no picture in the book, leaving our imagination to conjure up all sorts of horrible visions, speaking of horrible… they are still described as 'horrid', which we are sure only makes the Owlbear angrier.
The Owlbear is described as being over 8 feet tall when it’s standing on its hind legs and weighs over 1,500 pounds, this doesn’t paint a very cuddly picture. They are also described as being foul-tempered and that they attack when encountered as they are always hungry. Now, what could you imagine a ferocious Owlbear likes to eat? Well, you probably guessed correctly and its meat, and guess what humanoids are made of… meat! So, the Owlbear is just one more monster in the long line of them that likes to eat your character. Tasty.
The Owlbear retains their painful hug, but now it only happens if they hit you with both claws instead of just getting a high roll on the attack. Add that to the potential of being hit three times and you could be having a very bad day very quickly. Their hit dice are nothing to scoff at either, as a White Dragon in this version only has 6 HD. They also have an AC of 5, which is surprisingly decent, especially for a creature that is unable to wear armor. So now we have a giant owl-headed bear with a good amount of hit points and decent armor that can hug you to death. Fun times.
The Owlbear later gets some time to shine as it shows up in Dungeons & Dragons Game set (1991), the Dungeons & Dragons Rules Cyclopedia (1991), the Classic Dungeons & Dragons Game Set (1994), and the Dungeons & Dragons Adventure Game Set (1999). Unfortunately, the creature’s stats and descriptions never see an update.
 

AD&D - Owlbear

Frequency: Rare
No. Appearing: 2-5
Armor Class: 5
Move: 12”
Hit Dice: 5+2
% in Lair: 30%
Treasure Type: C
No. of Attacks: 3
Damage/Attack: 1-6/1-6/2-12
Special Attacks: Hug
Special Defenses: Nil
Magic Resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Low
Alignment: Neutral
Size: L (8’ tall)
Psionic Ability: Nil
The Owlbear appears in the Monster Manual (1977) and this edition brings it just a bit more information to chew on. Before we dive into talking about this horrid beast, we have to talk about the picture that comes along with the description. The drawing is based on the toy that was the inspiration for the Owlbear, and it is incredibly spot on… in the worst way. Its body looks nothing like a bear and its head has no resemblance to that of an owl, and the last time we checked a bear doesn’t have a giant tail. We’re not sure why it’s arms and legs have less hair on them, but they are noticeably paler than the rest of the body. It has a hunchback and a strange gizzard-like neck. The head is… ridiculous is the only appropriate word for it, it looks like it’s wearing a strange looking hat made of what we can only assume is feathers. The face is less of a face and more of one giant beak with tiny little teeth and one narrow eye. Thank goodness for the Owlbear that the only other picture on the page is that of the otyugh, who has a face, not even a mother could love.
The Owlbear gets a tiny bit of backstory, as it is surmised that the creation of this foul beast may have come about at the hands of a wizard, which is just code for 'Nobody wanted to think too hard about a bear and an owl getting it on'. This makes us feel slightly bad for the Owlbears, they are incredibly grumpy and hungry and they didn’t ask for this life!
Owlbears are described as a combination of brown fur and yellow feathers, it’s beak is a much lighter color, from yellow to ivory. They can still weigh up to 1,500 pounds, and it’s cruel eyes are usually red-rimmed, as if it had been crying. Maybe it saw itself in a mirror or the highly polished shield of a paladin perhaps, and finally saw what it looked like. We feel for it, that’s a daily occurrence for us.
The Owlbear can be found in deep dark forests or underground labyrinths. While exploring those lost ruins and labyrinths, you may also stumble across Mr. and Mrs. Owlbear in their lair, and there is a 1 in 4 chance that they’ll have a few little ones running around. There is also a chance that their young haven’t hatched yet and that there are up to 6 eggs just ready to be plundered by adventurers for a nice omelet. Since the Owlbear comes from an egg, we have to figure that the genetic experiments resulted in more owl DNA than just the strange owl head and feathers. Now, we talked about using the Owlbear eggs to make an omelet, but before you get that fire going, let’s talk about gold. Owlbear eggs are worth up to 2,000 gold while the young go for 5,000 gold. Of course, the Owlbears aren’t just going to let you take their young, Owlbears fight to the death, no matter the stakes plus there is a 50% chance that the Owlbear ‘cubs’ you are hoping for will be full-grown and fight side by side with mom and dad.
The rest of the Owlbear is largely unchanged from the previous editions and they are still known for giving their bear hugs, though it states that anywho is locked in this hug takes the damage at the start of the Owlbear’s turn every round… which is gotta be horrifying for those trying to save their party member. All they see is the fighter get a massive hug, and then they start hearing screams as bones begin breaking and the gleaming owl beak of the Owlbear begins pecking and biting into the fighter’s head, trying to break it open like a kinder egg… We wonder what the surprise will be! Probably nothing, we all know that fighters aren’t the brightest.
 

2e - Owlbear

Climate/Terrain: Temperate Forest
Frequency: Rare
Organization: Pack
Activity Cycle: Late afternoon/early evening
Diet: Carnivore
Intelligence: Low (5-7)
Treasure: (C)
Alignment: Neutral
No. Appearing: 1 (2-8)
Armor Class: 5
Movement: 12
Hit Dice: 5+2
THAC0: 15
No. of Attacks: 3
Damage/Attack: 1-6/1-6/2-12
Special Attacks: Hug
Special Defenses: Nil
Magic Resistance: Nil
Size: L (8’ tall)
Morale: Steady (11-12) + Special
XP Value: 420
The Owlbear appears first in the Monstrous Compendium Volume One (1989) and is later added to the Monstrous Manual (1993). The picture in the Monstrous Compendium gets slightly better and features just the top half of the ferocious beast and you can make our more details! Wicked claws, horrifying owl beak and… teeth… lots of teeth. It’s like staring into the mouth of a penguin and being horrified by what you see. In the Monstrous Manual, we get a full-color drawing of the beast by Tony DiTerlizzi and it is as whimsical as anything else he has drawn! Brown fur with owl feathers, a tongue sticking out, and wicked claws… we still don’t want to get lost in a forest with one of them, but at least it won’t be as embarrassing to die by this beast than before. No one wants to die to a homicidal Big Bird.
Their description and background remain the same except for a few humorous additions, and it's actually kind of sad. Typically in 2e, we get a full page of information about the exotic life of the creatures and how they reside in their ecosystem with words crammed into every part of the page… the poor Owlbear has plenty of room leftover on the page and has a glaring block of white space that could be used to give it a more interesting backstory and ecology! Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Instead, our Owlbear is still created by a mad wizard, it is implied that upon creation, the Owlbear killed the wizard. We hope it was a slow and painful death, Mother Nature should not be screwed with in such a horrifying way. The Owlbear also gets its own language, if you consider screeching at various pitches a language. We can only imagine the terror of being trapped in a labyrinth and hearing that noise echoing throughout the maze.
How and where they live also remains mostly the same, and now they can also live in caves and hollow tree stumps. Caves we get, but hollow tree stumps? That had to be one big ass tree, especially if they expect there to be a pack of them. Speaking of packs, when an Owlbear couple decides to settle down and make a family, they claim up to two square miles as their own. Don’t trespass, as they are very touchy about visitors, and will try to kill you immediately. As we have mentioned before, the Owlbear will fight to the death. Now you can use that to your advantage, as their crazed fury blinds them to the dangers you can create for them. The text suggests that you lure them off a cliff or drop a bunch of boulders on them. It does go on to say, of course, that is only if you can find a cliff. Even with a low Intelligence, we’re pretty sure the Owlbear won’t do this, but if it does, you’d better hope you’re not being hugged when it happens.
We are given a bit of information in regards to the ecology of the Owlbear and the text describes a creature that lives with the results of two creatures being smashed together through magic. Living 20 years, they are warm-blooded animals, like a bear would be, but like an owl, their cubs are hatched from what must be really, really large eggs. They are carnivores and are only interested in anything tasty like rabbits, snakes, bears, and one must always assume humanoids because we are incredibly delicious. Their sleep patterns are a lot like that of a teenager in that they don’t rise until noon and then hunt all afternoon and night until they tucker themselves out and go to sleep at midnight. They hate the cold and their bear tendencies shine through in the winter when they hibernate, though there are rumors of arctic Owlbears… so watch out. Lastly, they can’t be domesticated, and why anyone would ever want one is beyond us. If you need a hug that badly, go visit your mom. They are captured and sold in markets throughout the world, where they command a high price and many a powerful person has purchased an Owlbear to serve as an unwitting protector of their owner’s property.
In 1995, we are given an interesting article in Dragon #214 (February), the Ecology of the Owlbear by Johnathan Richards. This article tells the story of how two adventurers almost got themselves killed by Owlbears. The two adventurers, a grizzled old veteran Griff, and a young apprentice Colin who has no business going out in the wilderness. They track down an Owlbear and use honey to distract the poor creature and end up killing it with a poisoned crossbow bolt. Of course, you’d assume that Griff, who basically brags to know everything about Owlbears would know that some Owlbears mate and have babies. While Griff is skinning the first Owlbear, the second Owlbear comes out of a cave and gets a little upset, and we might say unreasonable, and begins attacking the two. Somehow, they survive the encounter and find a few Owlbear eggs to sell in the market.
Now, this piece in the article is especially interesting because they provide ways of augmenting the normal Owlbear and giving it even more owl and bear traits, this does make a stronger monster but does give it a lot more flavor to its mechanics. Owlbears, even after you killed them, still want to fight for several more rounds before it finally decides to die… We recommend distracting them with the one thing bears apparently can’t resist. Honey! Honey is one of the few things that an Owlbear loves to eat, the other things being you and anything else filled with delicious meat.
Owlbears, like bears, mark their territories by sharpening their claws on trees, though they can’t climb a tree… which seems a bit weird seeing as how bears can climb trees and owls can roost in them. Luckily for you though, you can hide in a tree and be safe from the horrid beast below you on the forest floor, unlucky for you because you are stuck in that tree. Owlbears are known for waiting days, angrily waiting for you to come down so it can show you just how pissed off it is. They are also known for being so strong as to knock fully matured trees down, so there’s that too.
This updated Owlbear also gains a few other characteristics of its owl half, like it can swivel its head a full 270 degrees and can quickly whip its head back and forth with ease. In the realm of the weird, the Owlbear has a third transparent eyelid that provides an extra layer of protection, as the young Colin finds out when he tries to blind the Owlbear by throwing dirt into its face. Just as the owl does, the Owlbear tears its food into chunks and doesn’t bother chewing as it gulps those chunks down. What it can’t digest gets turned into leftover pellets that it spits up as owl pellets.
At the end of the article, we are introduced to two new Owlbears, which are later reprinted in the Monstrous Compendium Annual Volume Three (1996), The Artic Owlbear and the Flying Owlbear. As you can probably guess, one lives in the cold and snow, and the other can fly. The Arctic Owlbear has more hit dice than our regular Owlbear and is a snowy white color, giving it great camouflage as it waits in the snow, ready to pounce. Also, its a mix of a polar bear and a snow owl. The Flying Owlbear can fly, which is a very disturbing thought. As if dealing with a regular Owlbear isn’t bad enough, now it can rain down death from the sky and are incredibly stealthy and hard to notice until the wizard suddenly learns to fly and soars away to be eaten in the clouds.
The last Owlbear of 2nd edition is featured in Dungeon #63 (July 1997) and is part of an adventure called Hunt for the Heirophant by Chris Doyle. The Owlbear featured is a Dire Owlbear of immense size and strength, it has more hit points, deals more damage and is a ferocious brute who was placed in stasis because a wizard wanted to use it as a guard. The party must fight the Dire Owlbear and the wizard asks that they don’t kill it… which we are sure is going over well for the fighter caught in its hug and is currently being lobotomized by a bird beak.
 

3e/3.5e - Owlbear

Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+25 (52 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +5 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple +5/+14
Attacks: Claw +9 melee (1d6+5)
Full Attack: Claw +9 melee (1d6+5) and bite +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 21, Dex 12, Con 21, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats: Alertness, Track
Climate/Terrain: Temperate forests
Orgnization: Solitary, pair, or pack (3-8)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 6-8 HD (large); 9-15 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: -
The owlbear appears in the Monster Manual (2000/2003) and before we talk about the shockingly small amount of information our fine-feathered and furry-murder-beast received in this edition, we first have to discuss the Owlbear’s picture. It’s once again back to standing upright and its arms are these odd feather-covered appendages that look more like wings than arms. Its yellow-brownish color gives it a regal look which would be great if its facial expression wasn’t one that said it was going to rip your throat out. All in all, it looks like a person dressed up in a giant bird suit screaming because they can’t get out. Or maybe someone is playing a horrible prank on a bear and glued on some feathers and a beak, and the bear is upset… either way, probably best not to get too close, they look dangerous.
The short description provided leaves a lot to be desired, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t anything to talk about. They are active during the day or night, and it largely depends on the available prey in the area, so now breakfast is no longer safe from them. Eggs and young Owlbears still fetch a handsome reward, and now you have the privilege of paying an exorbitant amount, 2,000 gp, to an Owlbear trainer if you want one of your very own… which, is probably the safest thing to do. If the Owlbear is going to murder someone, its better that its the trainer and not you… that way you can get your 2,000 gp back from the thoroughly shredded body. Finally, the term ‘hug’ is dropped, as the attack is now referred to as an improved grab ability and honestly… we kind of miss the idea of the Owlbear squeezing people to death like their a tube of toothpaste and it's trying to squeeze every drop out.
Fortunately for us, the Owlbear appears in many other places during this edition and even appears as an Owlbear Skeleton in the 3.5 Monster Manual! The creature provided is based on a template for creating skeletons, so while it doesn’t build on the lore… it does mean that just when you thought you were safe, clearing the nearby lands of Owlbear infestations, you now have the distinct possibility of having to fight one of these undead monsters. Life isn’t fair sometimes.
In the Forgotten Realms supplement Unapproachable East (2003), you can take your very own Owlbear feat called the Owlbear Berserker. Your barbarian lodge totem is an Owlbear and when you take this feat you get to make an unarmed attack, dealing 1d6 points of damage with a successful grapple check. We assume it's based on the owlbear’s hug ability since you probably don’t have a giant beak to peck with when the target is grappled.
After that comes a few other variant Owlbears, like the Flying Owlbear in the Dungeons #84 (January 2001) adventure The Dying of the Light, or the Ancient Owlbear in the Dungeon #107 (February 2004) adventure Mellorn Hospitality. The last type of Owlbear in this edition appears in the Bestiary of Kyrnn (2004, 2007) which has an Ankholian Undead Owlbear as one more creature to feed our nightmares. The Ankholian Undead is a template that you can apply to any monster you want and provides several additional undead abilities that provide a far more fearsome opponent than some sort of skeleton. An interesting fact about Ankholian undead creatures is that they get a breath weapon that gives them the ability to spew a 30-foot cone of green flame that doesn’t burn you, instead, it does slam you with cold damage and its usable once per minute. And just when you thought that that pack of Owlbear Skeletons would be the worst thing you had to face today…
 

4e - Owlbear

Level 8 Elite Brute
Large fey beast / XP 700
Initiative +6 / Senses Perception +12; low-light vision
HP 212; Bloodied 106; see also stunning screech
AC 22; Fortitude 22, Reflex 19, Will 20
Saving Throws +2
Speed 7
Action Points 1
Claw (standard; at will) Reach 2; 12 vs. AC; 2d6+5 damage
Double Attack (standard; at will) The owlbear makes two claw attacks. if both claws hit the same target, the target is grabbed (until escape).
Bite (standard; at will) Grabbed target only; automatic hit; 4d8+5 damage.
Stunning Screech (free, when first bloodied, encounter) Close burst 1; +10 vs. Fortitude; the target is stunned (save ends).
Alignment Unaligned / Languages -
Str 20 (+9) Dex 14 (+6) Wis 16 (+7) Con 16 (+7) Int 2 (+0) Cha 10 (+4)
The Owlbear appears in the Monster Manual (2008) and the first thing that we should mention is that they are now considered fey beasts… will get back to that. To keep up our tradition, let’s talk about the artwork. It looks good… suspiciously too good, which makes us wonder if some sort of Big Owlbear lobby is out there and bribed WotC to make a fearsome, scary, and accurate drawing of an Owlbear. Long claws, deadly beak, and a beautiful blending of feathers to fur… it took up till 4th edition to finally get some good artwork of the Owlbear and it was worth it.
Going back to the fey beast, the creature is no longer described as the creation of an insane wizard, but a predator from the Feywild. They live in the forest and in caves, hunt either during the day or night, mate, and reproduce. They somehow slipped over to the natural world and as far as we are concerned, the Feywild can have them back.
The claw/grab/crush attack, formally known as the hug attack remains, with the Owlbear grappling the target if it hits with both claw attacks and automatically bitting any target they grab on to. Owlbears also gain a new attack called the Stunning Screech, which allows them to screech so loud it will make your ears bleed and cause you to be stunned. It will then charge you down and begin attacking you with even more aggression and renew its tight squeeze to get at your meat flavored filling.
We are also introduced to the Winterclaw Owlbear, which is just a meaner, colder, and probably angrier Owlbear. While the Winterclaw loses its Stunning Screech, it gains a new cold attack known as Frost Wall. While this ability no longer stuns their prey, it instead sends out literal ice and immobilizes their target so that the Winterclaw can hang out a bit, talk about life and then begin squeezing you like a twinkie.
The lore goes on to describe how the inhabitants of the Feywild like to tame the Owlbears, using them to guard their territories. This is further expanded on in the Monster Vault Box Set (2010) which provides several new Owlbears to hug your party to death as well as a bit more information about the ecology of the Owlbear. They are gifted with the vision of the owl and the raw power of the bear. They just love to kill things and if they are in a prey-rich area, they will strew their territory with lots of dead bodies to attract scavengers. They will then sneak up on those pesky scavengers and eat them, displaying any leftovers to attract even more scavengers for it to lazily feed on.
Most describe the lairs of these Owlbears as horrendously smelly, and we are sure that the smell of rotting meat has to be bad… though some in the Feywild use this to their advantage and specifically set up their treetop communities over the lairs of these smelly Owlbears. The elves will have their beautiful cities guarded below them by the Owlbears, and hopefully, they have a constant strong wind to push away the overwhelming stench. This book also provides information on Young Owlbears, Trained Owlbears, and the Wind-Claw Owlbear who gets a new ability called Disembowel. Much like a massive hug, the Wind-Claw can attack you twice with its claws. If it hits on both attacks, it stuns you by disemboweling you… We are pretty confident that that would do a bit more than just stun us but probably kill us too.
 

5e - Owlbear

Large monstrosity, unaligned
Armor Class 13 (natural armor)
Hit Points 59 (7d10 + 21)
Speed 40 ft.
STR 20 (+5) | DEX 12 (+1) | CON 17 (+3 ) | INT 3 (-4) | WIS 12 (+1) | CHA 7 (-2)
Skills Perception +3
Senses darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception 13
Languages -
Challenge 3 (700 XP)
Keen Sight and Smell. The owlbear has advantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on sight or smell
Multiattack. The owlbear makes two attacks: one with its beak and one of its claws.
Beak. Melee Weapon Attack: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: 10 (1d10 + 5) piercing damage.
Claws. Melee Weapon Attack: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 14 (2d8 + 5) slashing damage.
The Owlbear is introduced in the Monster Manual (2014) and the picture of the Owlbear is well-drawn and looks like a bear with an owl face. We’ve got some questions for the artists though, the Owlbear has had fur that has been brown, yellow, light yellow, dark brown, light brown, and is described as having the body of a bear… So why the sudden change to light purple? It may be nitpicking, but the purple color is throwing us off, along with it just feeling a bit uncanny. Honestly, we prefer the 4e version of the Owlbear whereas this just feels a bit too abstract with its strange arm wings.
Luckily for us, the lore provided for 5e makes up for its odd artwork and the Owlbear, instead of getting one origin story, gets two. Our first story is that an insane wizard created the Owlbear, which makes for a good story but still has no basis in fact that anyone can find. There is still no name, and all we get is that the Owlbears probably killed their creator. Maybe the wizard’s name has been in front of us the whole time. Just like Frankenstein is actually the name of the doctor who created the monster, maybe Owlbear is the name of the wizard who created the monster! Just let that sink in, these creatures were created by the Archmage Owlbear and he created them in his image… err… name? Your welcome for fixing this bit of lore you never knew you needed.
Of course, their second origin story is from 4e and is that they are from the Feywild and somehow made the crossing over to the Material Plane. While this second story seems more plausible, how much do you trust Elves? Let us ask that question a different way, how badly do you want there to be an Archmage Owlbear? You know which story we prefer.
Focusing on the facts known about the Owlbear, it is still extremely mean and will attack anything or anyone on sight. They live in the deep dark forest or caves, and apparently, they are very bad housekeepers. Their lairs are made up of scattered bones, blood, and the remains of their victims. They live either by themselves or if they have fallen in love with the right Owlbear, you may encounter a happy family of our furry-feathered-murder-beasts. A lot of the lore is actually taken directly from 4e’s Monster Vault, though some of it is slightly rewritten, and we still have elves using them to guard the ground beneath the tree-cities. While we are sure that the nearby neighbors of the elf-cities would complain about their property values dropping, no one in their right mind ever says anything since there is an Owlbear!
The first of the two biggest changes to the Owlbear deals with how it attacks. While the claw and beak attack remain, there are no more hugs of any sort. Our incredibly friendly Owlbear no longer has any chance to grapple its target and squeeze it to death. Is this even the Owlbear anymore? That was its signature move and they decided to take it away! While the damage is relatively high for its challenge rating, it just isn’t that terrifying. This travesty has yet to be resolved and they have had 6 years to correct their error, so one has to imagine this was done on purpose. Shame on you WotC, shame on you.
The second change is kind of cool, although nothing will compensate for the loss of the hug attack. Building on the 4e Owlbear that could be tamed, 5e takes it one step further. An Owlbear can now be trained to do all sorts of ‘domesticated’ tasks. Hobgoblins use them as war beasts and certain giants keep them as pets. Out in the wild frontier, the inhabitants love themselves some Owlbear as they use them as guards, which isn’t exactly a new thing, but they also train them to be ridden. We are pretty sure riding into town on an Owlbear would make you the biggest badass the locals have ever seen. Of course, what is even more badass is that you could ride them in Owlbear races! The image of a dozen or so of these 1,500-pound creatures galloping around a dirt track in the middle of nowhere is both exhilarating and terrifying. Especially as a lot of the people bet on not just who wins but who gets eaten first by their vicious mount.
Unfortunately for the Owlbear, it has largely been used as part of a random encounter and rarely provides much to the story across every edition of Dungeons & Dragons. Even in 5e, it appears in several adventures as a random encounter like in The Lost Mine of Phandelver (2014), Princes of the Apocalypse (2015), and Storm King’s Thunder (2016).
If you’re a DM and have a burning desire to watch your players freak out at the sight of this horrid creature, throw one into your campaign. If you are a player and you see one of these horrifying creatures running towards you and screeching like an owl out of hell, well… hopefully, you are playing 5th edition and you don’t have to worry about that massive bear-hug that will pop you like a pimple.
On a side note, we have created something that no one asked for! Now YOU can create your very own genetic mistake and throw a surprise curve ball at your players!

Build-An-Owlbear - Three charts to customize your own Owlbear!

Have a monster you'd like to see explored throughout the editions? Let us know in the comments!

Past Deep Dives

Creatures: Aboleth / Beholder / Displacer Beast / Flumph / Gelatinous Cube / Grell / Hobgoblin / Kobold / Kraken / Kuo-Toa / Lich / Lizardfolk / Mimic / Mind Flayer / Nothic / Rakshasa / Sahuagin / Umber Hulk / Vampire / Werewolf / Xorn
Spells: Fireball Spell / Lost Spells / Wish Spell
Other: Barbarian Class / Wizard Class / The History of Bigby / The History of the Blood War / The History of Vecna
submitted by varansl to DnDBehindTheScreen [link] [comments]

$GAN is a long term hold that makes so much sense

Everyone talks about DKNG, PENN, MGM and in some cases RRBYD but the real gem is GAN. I have worked and know people who work with them so this is coming from personal experience seeing their product.
You have one of if not the best online gaming platform. Their offering is top notch and will only grow.
Their partners in the USA will only grow. Especially Fanduel and newly acquired Churchill Downs. Look at the market share Fanduel has in the states they are in. It's basically DK vs FD as states legalize.
Speaking of states legalizing. It's projected 45 states will have online gambling by 2024. Think of the revenue GAN will be raking in being in 45 states.
Draftkings has SBTech running their casino/sports now which is a subpar cheap product and you bet other books will take notice of GAN when they look to enter new states. Don't be surprised to see Draftkings, Pointsbet, etc look at GAN down the road.
Brick & Mortar is another revenue source they have which will only expand as states legalize. They won't only be dominating the online world.
They aren't just in the USA. Their global presence is expanding as well and will only get bigger. This isn't a pump a dump. There is a real demand for this and nobody is better equipped than GAN. They are severely under valued and their revenue numbers are only going to grow. They went up $1.50 AH today off NJ numbers. Just wait until you see them in 8 states with online casinos by the end of the year and the numbers rolling in are all green and exceeding expectations. Remember states are looking for revenue sources and when legislators are back in session sports gambling bills will be at the top of the list as they know if they tax it at the right rate it can be a profitable venture for the state.
https://gan.com/about-us/customers-and-partners
If you have any knowledge about gambling you will know by going through their portfolio that the sky is the limit for them. Sportsbooks are partnering with arenas, hooters servers are taking your bets, cable companies are building interactive tv's focusing on gambling....online gambling is going nowhere.
submitted by CityUnknown to stocks [link] [comments]

Bookmakers Not On Gamstop

Bookmakers Not On Gamstop

Bookmakers Not on GamStop:>https://gamstopbookmakers.com
The bookmakers on this site are not licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, therefore they are not obligated to operate by the strict UK government guidelines. Instead, they are regulated by the gambling authorities like MGA (Malta Gambling Authority) or the Isle of Man Gambling Supervision Commission.
So what does this mean?
Bookmakers not on Gamstop can offer great offers and bonuses to play on their sites as they do not come under the strict rules of the UK Gambling Commission. These bonuses can be very attractive and rewarding, such as no deposit offers or lucrative matched deposits. Many UK players enjoy the freedom and high bonuses bookmakers not on Gamstop have to offer for joining their site.
The Top 6
Here we have hand picked the top 6 casinos not on Gamstop. Theses casinos have been calculated on the following:

Bookmakers Not on GamStop:> https://gamstopbookmakers.com
What is GamStop?
Gamstop is a self-exclusion scheme introduced in April 2020 by the UK government that allows players to block themselves from any gambling activity. Due to the pressures placed on UK bookmakers by the UK Gambling Commission, they are restricted to what bonuses they can offer new customers.
Since bookmakers in the UK cannot operate unless licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, this will have a huge impact on the gambling industry. Gamstop was originally created so that players could take control of their gambling habits.
Once you have signed up to Gamstop and excluded yourself from gambling activity, the gambling companies you are registered to will automatically be notified and then close all accounts related to your name and prevent you from signing back in. Furthermore, as of April 2020, the UK Gambling Commission have places restrictions on players depositing on credit cards, an setting deposit limit amounts which cannot be exceeded in a specific time frame.
Due to the pressures placed on UK gambling companies by the UK Gambling Commission, this has had a significant affect on what offers and bonuses the gambling companies can now offer. The gambling industry has taken a devastating affect on enticing more customers to play on their sites.
Gambling companies under the UK Gambling Commission such as; WilliamHill, Coral, Betway, to name a few are restricted to offer new customers no deposit offers or attractive bonuses to join their sites.
Benefits of Bookmakers Not on GamStop
Bookmakers not on Gamstop are not licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, therefore they are not obligated to operate by the strict UK government guidelines. Instead, they are regulated by the gambling authorities like MGA (Malta Gambling Authority) or the Isle of Man Gambling Supervision Commission.
So what does this mean?
Bookmakers not on Gamstop can offer great offers and bonuses to play on their sites as they do not come under the strict rules of the UK Gambling Commission. These bonuses can be very attractive and rewarding, such as no deposit offers or lucrative matched deposits. Many UK players enjoy the freedom and high bonuses bookmakers not on Gamstop have to offer for joining their site.
For more information visit:> https://gamstopbookmakers.com



































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Bookmakers Not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES)

Bookmakers Not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES):>
https://bookmakersnotongamstop.co.uk
What is Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES)?
Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES) is a self-exclusion scheme introduced in April 2020 by the UK government that allows players to block themselves from any gambling activity. Due to the pressures placed on UK bookmakers by the UK Gambling Commission, they are restricted to what bonuses they can offer new customers.
Since bookmakers in the UK cannot operate unless licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, this will have a huge impact on the gambling industry. Gamstop was originally created so that players could take control of their gambling habits.
Once you have signed up to the Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES) and excluded yourself from gambling activity, the gambling companies you are registered to will automatically be notified and then close all accounts related to your name and prevent you from signing back in. Furthermore, as of April 2020, the UK Gambling Commission have places restrictions on players depositing on credit cards, an setting deposit limit amounts which cannot be exceeded in a specific time frame.
Due to the pressures placed on UK gambling companies by the UK Gambling Commission, this has had a significant affect on what offers and bonuses the gambling companies can now offer. The gambling industry has taken a devastating affect on enticing more customers to play on their sites.
Gambling companies under the UK Gambling Commission such as; WilliamHill, Coral, Betway, to name a few are restricted to offer new customers no deposit offers or attractive bonuses to join their sites.
Benefits of Bookmakers Not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES)
Bookmakers not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES) are not licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, therefore they are not obligated to operate by the strict UK government guidelines. Instead, they are regulated by the gambling authorities like MGA (Malta Gambling Authority) or the Isle of Man Gambling Supervision Commission.
So what does this mean?
Bookmakers not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES) can offer great offers and bonuses to play on their sites as they do not come under the strict rules of the UK Gambling Commission. These bonuses can be very attractive and rewarding, such as no deposit offers or lucrative matched deposits. Many UK players enjoy the freedom and high bonuses bookmakers not on Gamstop have to offer for joining their site.
For more information visit:> https://bookmakersnotongamstop.co.uk



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submitted by creditcardbet to u/creditcardbet [link] [comments]

Big Double D Tiddies- Selections from the President’s business history and why your puts wont print.

Tl;dr just skip to the last paragraph. Consider this background due diligence because the market is closed.
Most of you retards lack an historical perspective on current events, so I’m writing this to give you the bigger picture on the casino and stock market history of the president. If you’re going to waste money it should be spent on recreational drugs and strippers- it stimulates the economy and probably does less long term damage to your net worth. But since this million retard army persists in making dumb bets, I will give you some background about the President because to most of you, the only Grey Lady you know is your own mother.
On May 8th, 2019, the president tweeted, “You always wanted to show losses for tax purposes. . . . [...] and often re-negotiate with banks, it was sport. Additionally, the very old information put out is a highly inaccurate Fake News hit job!” The leader of the free world bragged about losing money, said it was financially advantageous, said it was fun, and also said it was fake.
[The president had some successes- but no one goes on this sub for incremental or sustainable traditional business wins. So as to not sound biased, I will include some of them. Feel free to skip this part. His first “deal” was a purchase by his father in Trump’s senior year of high school. Purchased for $5.6 million plus half a million in renovations, it sold eight years later for $6.75 million. Result- a racial discrimination lawsuit and a $650,000 profit. In “The Art of the Deal”, the president claimed this was a $6 million profit. In 1970, Paris is Out, a Broadway comedy, lost him $70,000- inflation adjusted about half a million dollars today. In 1971, he was made president of the 14,000 apartment owning company, changed the name to the Trump Organization, and was again sued for racial discrimination. In 1978 he was the agent for Penn Central’s sale of the current Javits Center, for which he was paid a commission, and then became the face of the redevelopment of the Commodore Hotel. A $70 million loan guaranteed by his father and Hyatt Hotels, in addition to $1 million revolving credit from Chase bank, financed the renovation- which obtained a 40 year tax abatement. He then went on to build Trump Plaza, which he sold as individually owned apartments- known as a cooperative, in 1981. In 1986, he successfully renovated Wollman Ice Rink on time and three quarters of a million dollars under budget.]
In 1980 building site preparations began at the Trump Tower location. The previous building had some artistically significant architectural details, which were promised to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and instead were destroyed. The demolition crew was a group of 200 strong "Polish Brigade" immigrants who worked 12 hour shifts. By using illegal labor, the president was able to avoid contributions to the pension fund and union worker welfare fund- the workers were paid $4-$5 per hour. Details are sealed after 16 years in court. Construction began in 1982 on Trump Plaza in Atlantic City, and in the first six months of opening in 1985, made only $144,000 in profit. In 1986 he bought out his partner, Harrahs, for $70 million. During this time he also purchased Trump Marina (ne Castle) for $325 million; this was the property at which his father bought $3.5 million in casino chips and never used, and which he was fined for making an illegal casino loan. In 1988, he bought the Plaza Hotel in New York for $390 million. He said in The New York Times, "For the first time in my life, I have knowingly made a deal that was not economic – for I can never justify the price I paid, no matter how successful the Plaza becomes." Another $50 million in renovations caused the total debt service to be too expensive; the prepackaged bankruptcy resulted in a $250 million dollar loss for creditors and a lowered interest rate in exchange for 49% of the hotel. Three years later the Saudis would buy a controlling stake.
Trump Plaza Casino followed the same game plan as the Plaza Hotel: he owed $250 million and conducted a prepackaged bankruptcy due to sky high debt service. The bankruptcy converted the $250 million into $300 million longer term debt, then went on to conduct a $42 million dollar expansion in 1993, and a $48 million dollar expansion in 1995. It closed in 2018 and the property was foreclosed on by Carl Ichan.
In 1988, he bought and renovated the Taj Mahal for nearly a billion dollars, financed with junk bonds at 14%. When he couldn’t make the payments, the property was again put into a prepackaged bankruptcy. Ironically, the Taj Mahal may have hastened the downfall of other Trump properties by cannibalizing their customers. In the end, the billion dollar casino was sold to the bankruptcy administrator for $890 million, named “Trump Entertainment Resorts”, itself filing for bankruptcy in 2004, 2009, and 2014.
His casino ventures show a reliable pattern of using other people’s money to buy and build, then forcing investors to take a loss while the prepackaged bankruptcies allowed him to keep the assets and the profits. His supporters might say this is common in the casino industry, which isn't true, but he shows this pattern of behavior in the stock market as well. In 1987, at the height of his casino activity, he started a new scam. “He would acquire shares in a company with borrowed money, suggest publicly that he was contemplating buying enough to become a majority owner, then quietly sell on the resulting rise in the stock price…” Media reports at the time claimed his pump and dump gained $55 million; government documents showed his stake was smaller and profits less than $11 million. This one trick pony would work a few times between 1987 and 1989, including in companies such as Gillette, Hilton, and Federated Department stores. By 1989, Wall Street was wise and left him bag holding an American Airlines takeover bid, resulting in a $35 million loss.
More recently WSB’ers will no doubt remember the Dead Sea levels of saltiness caused by accusations of pumping and dumping last year’s trade war with China, and the resulting cycle of market agitations on threats, bad news, counter threats, trade talks, and deals. Finally, Covid-19 has given us hydrochlorique panaceas, and other pump and dumps we’re still learning about.
Tl;dr The president has shown a persistent penchant for profligacy using other people’s money. Most recently to use the federal government to price gouge PPE and to attempt to have his signature on stimulus checks- but he’s been doing it for 40 years. With JayPau, he’s found a real life infinite money hack, and everything I’ve written is to prove to you he isn’t afraid to use it. Keynes said, “the market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent” but what we’re seeing today isn’t irrationality, it is the biggest pump and stop stock scam infinite printing we’ve ever seen from a guy who brags about pump and dumps and bankruptcy filings. Your puts wont print, Trump is betting his reelection on it, and the all-in is infinite. Positions- holding all cash. Sell in May and go fuck yourself.
submitted by twistedlimb to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

Fall of Cleveland 58 - 109 Uncovered by Lord Anubis

”What's interesting, Dale?”
”You got the funding file open? Scroll down a few entries.”
”All I'm seeing are your typical corporate sponsors. Petco, Walmart, EA, and....oh....”
”Yeah. I think you found it. Guess who's made a huge personal investment in the fuzzy pony project? Our employer, Richard Moloch.”
”That doesn't seem right.”
”And yet there it is. He put quite a bit of his own money into it. Looks like a lot of the city's money, too. He got it listed under 'medical research and development.' Wonder how he managed to sneak that?”
”He's on the city council. And he has a lot of political clout. I bet nobody wanted to ask him where the money was going.”
Dave's scrolling through the rest of the list.
”Doesn't explain why he's funding them, though. Everyone else on this list is either a company or a person that would personally profit from the fuzzy pony. But Moloch's put so much time and effort and taxpayer money to make a theme park for fluffies. Why would he be backing a product that could compete with the park's primary draw? If the fuzzies were a success and replaced fluffies, the park would get shut down.”
Marshall's munching on a pack of Famous Amos and scratching his chin.
”Dave's right, Marshall. Fuzzies don't have any wants or needs aside from their bodily necessities. And they don't have any emotions, either. Taking a fuzzy to Spaghetti Land would be like casting your pearls before swine. There's no logical reason for him to put so much city funds into both Spaghetti Land and the fuzzies.”
”Then let's put that aside for now and move on. Maybe one of the other files will explain.”
You scroll down through the file list, noticing another ominous name.
”Hey Dave, what was that number you kept seeing in the fuzzy chip code?”
”109. Why?”
”Because I just found a file that's titled '109' and nothing else.”
You open it up and Dave watches over your shoulder.
It's all Greek to you.
Wait, no. More like Sanskrit. Just a jumble of code commands that you don't understand.
But Dave's widen. He's got 'idea face.'
He sits back at his screen and pulls up the fuzzy's coding, scrolling back and forth.
”Hmmm...okay, then the next line would be....alright, followed by....yes! Figured it out!”
Marshall's just as lost as you. “Figured what out?”
”Why there were strange lines of code in the programming of the fuzzy's chips. That 109 file is like a map, telling you which lines to read in which order. Put them together, you get a new command.”
”And what command is that?”
”Let me see here....here we go. It's “Massage all porpoises in Latvia, as long as no cheese can be digested. If a Boy Scout puts marzipan in your pie plate, challenge him to a game of bingo. If you can suspend Marsha off a bridge, take a virgin heifer.”
Dave looks up with a victorious grin on his face.
Nobody says anything for half a minute.
”Siwwy mistah say funny tings!”
”He sure does, Sweetheart. Dave, what the hell?”
”Yeah, Dave. That made no sense.”
”Asshowe not make sense!”
Dave finally realizes what he just said and looks back at the code.
”Fuck. Forgot a step. Let me try that again.”
Marshall gives Sweetheart one of his Famous Amos to nibble one while Dave fixes his math.
”Okay, apparently I was combining all the decoy lines by mistake. This version makes a lot more sense: 'Kill all fluffy ponies that you can, so long as humans are not around to see you. If a human asks what happened to a fluffy pony you killed, claim you don't know. If you can think of a convincing lie, tell it. '”
There's a little more silence.
”I got it right this time, didn't I?”
Marshall is checking to see if Sweetheart was listening.
”I think I preferred your first one.”
”Yeah, that one wasn't nearly as threatening, was it? Unless they have aquariums in Latvia.”
”So the fuzzies aren't just going to compete with fluffies, they're going to be quietly taking them out?”
”Looks like it, yeah.”
Marshall's scratching his chin again.
”Is there any way to prevent that?”
”Well, it's not like this is something they know to do from birth. From the looks of it, the order needs to be activated.”
”I think it's already been activated, Dave. We're gonna have to figure out how to turn it off.”
”Actually, I might have a better idea. Dave's Dadaism gave me an idea. If I had to guess, the actual instructions for Order 109 are in the chip, but the part that tells them what lines to follow in which order are hardwired to their brains.”
”But we checked the brain already. Aside from basic functions, it's blank.”
”But what if this-” you point to the 109 file. “-isn't on the records? What if only a select few know it exists? On its own, the 109 code looks like stray lines in the programming, and the activator is just nonsense imprinted in the brain. Nobody can see it because nobody knows it's even there, and without putting them both together, they look like nothing more than lazy programming detritus.”
”So what are you proposing Dale? I'd like to get this whole mess straightened out while I still have a chance to get out of Cleveland without having to swim through ferals to do it.”
”The chips can be updated with a short range emitter, which I'm sure they have a few of in that facility for testing. If my theory is correct, and the activator code is hardwired to their brains, I can rearrange the chip's programming so it reads the wrong lines. Order 109 will just be noise in the system.”
Both Dave and Marshall look impressed.
”Um, alrightey then. Sounds like a plan. What will you need?”
”For starters, I'm going to need access to one of the fuzzy chips. They'll probably have a way to connect them to a computer, and from there, I can figure out how to move the code around.”
An evil smirk crosses Marshall's face.
”I know just where to get one.....”
**********
”Okay, make the incision right there.”
”Alright.”
”Marshall...”
”Hold on, let me do this first.”
”Marshal.”
”In a second, Dale.”
”Marshall!”
”What?!”
”You're holding the scalpel wrong.”
”This isn't easy, Dale. I'm trying to perform surgery while getting instructions from a guy who's not even in this state!”
”Sorry, I just don't want you to accidentally mess up and damage the chip.”
”I'm not even past the bone yet, Dale. Besides, we have half a dozen other patients to choose from if something happens.”
"Wawning: If owna awtews fuzzy bwain, it wiww invawidate wawwanty."
You are Marshall Conagher, accomplished engineer and amateur surgeon.
Your partner in crime, Dale, is guiding you through the process of extracting a computer chip from a fuzzy's brain.
Your patient is the same fuzzy pony that tried to kill Sweetheart.
All the fuzz on top of his head has been shaved off, and you can see a faded scar.
This would be the point that a fluffy would be complaining about “cowd headies” and begging for their fluff back.
Your patient does neither. He just keeps repeating that one line about needing to be replaced.
Gotta hand it to Biotoys, they sure pulled out all the stops for this place.
They even have those surgical goggles with the built in cameras.
Dale's connected to them, and he's using them to observe you.
They're not very comfortable. You can't imagine how your grandfather put up with wearing goggles all day long.
”Would you stop looking back at your fluffy? The sooner that chip gets out, the better.”
”She's in a facility filled with creatures that have apparently been ordered to kill her. Sorry if I'm a bit paranoid.
”She's in a cage, how are they going to get to her?”
”Sweehawt nu wike box. Wan' pway on couch 'gain.”
”You can go back to the couch in a few minutes, Sweetheart. I need you to be quiet for now. Can you do that for Daddy?”
”Otay, Daddy. Sweehawt am good fwuffy...”
”She doesn't sound as chipper as she was in the office.”
”She's nervous. She's in a cage, which she hasn't been in since the day we met, and the cage is in a room with fuzzy ponies.”
”So why not leave her in the office? She's just going to be a distraction here.”
”No way. I'm not leaving her alone in this place. Not with the fuzzies still around.”
”Alright, alright. Just start cutting already.”
”Fine.”
”You're still holding the scalpel wrong.”
”Dammit!”
**********
”Was that so hard?”
”Kinda. This thing is still covered in brain bits.”
”Don't worry about it. As long as the connection pins are clean, it should plug in just fine.”
By luck, one of the computers in the veterinary wing had a connector for the chip.
Guess you're not the first guy to perform a lobotomy on a fuzzy to get to its programming chip.
You plug in the chip, set Dale up for remote access, and go to check up on Sweetheart.
The fuzzy is lying on the bed, brain exposed.
You'll be the first to admit that your surgical technique was pretty clumsy.
Frankly you're amazed the thing's still alive.
Or maybe those leg twitches are because you left the scalpel embedded in his nervous system.
Whatever.
You let Sweetheart out of her cage and she hugs you closely, happy to feel safe again.
”Sweehawt wuv Daddy!”
You hold her close and head back to Arthur's office.
With any luck, you'll be able to get out of here soon and leave this whole messy business behind you.
You still have your payment for Spaghetti Land sitting in your bank account.
You always wanted to visit Canada.
Back in Arthur's office, Dave has more news.
”I think I've solved our Moloch mystery.”
You put Sweetheart back on the couch.
”Oh?”
”Yeah. This Arthur guy kept a record of every correspondence they had together. Email records, phone logs, you name it. Seems like they both hated fluffies with a passion.”
”Arthur I knew about, but Moloch? Seriously? Why?”
”Abusers don't need a reason, they just need an opportunity.”
”I know that. I meant why would he be the director of Spaghetti Land if he hates fluffies so much?”
”Well, he keeps referring to a 'surprise' he had planned for all the customers of the park. If I had to guess, it's probably some sort of.....oh.....”
”Oh? What's oh? Is that a bad oh?”
”Yeah, it's a pretty bad oh.”
”Sounds like how my last relationship ended.”
”Cut the shit, Dale, this is serious. It is serious, right Dave?”
”Yeah, pretty serious. Spaghetti Land is rigged to blow.”
”Sounds like how my other rel-”
”DALE!”
”Sorry. How is it rigged?”
”Hidden or locked up rooms throughout the underground concourse are loaded with explosives. Looks like he planned to turn Spaghetti Land into a shit-filled crater not long after the fuzzies went on the market. Take out a good chunk of loving owners, not to mention their expensive fluffies.”
”Is that all? What would that do for fuzzies?”
”Hold on, there's more. Apparently their plan was to provide doctored up maintenance logs that showed fluffy corpses backing up the fluffy feces disposal systems. They'd say it caused a severe buildup of flammable gas that backed up through the underground rooms, which was somehow ignited, causing the entire park to go up in flames.”
”Well, that's their alibi. Still not seeing a profit motive. Why would Moloch blow millions just to blow up the park later?”
”I think that by blaming the incident on fluffies causing trouble and trespassing into places they don't belong, they can sway the public's opinion away from fluffies just as fuzzies are entering the market.”
”So their reasoning behind committing domestic terrorism is that it'll get people to buy fuzzies?”
”From the looks of it, yes.”
...
”That's got to be one of the dumbest ideas I've heard since someone proposed making a fluffy underwater adventure ride.”
”I think that was Moloch's idea. Didn't they make that into a real ride?”
”Well that just started making sense. In what fucked up universe did they think this plan would work?”
”Who knows, Marshall? Maybe they thought more people were abusers like them. I think the more important thing now is fixing the fuzzies and getting the hell out of here.”
Dale appears on screen.
”And speaking of which, I have the programming done! Just get me to a room with a transmitter, and those fuzzies will be playing bingo with Boy Scouts in no time!”
You smile. Finally, a way to cut this problem off at the source.
”Alright, I'm going to go look for a transmitter. Dave, I'm plugging in the external drives. Upload everything you can onto them. Classified and incriminating stuff first.”
”On it.”
”Come on, Sweetheart. We're almost out of here.”
”Yay!”
**********
This room looks like a testing area for all sorts of fuzzy stuff.
There's a transmitter in the corner, as well as bags of something called Fuzzy Feed, a Biotoys brand Fuzzy Ball (seriously?), and what looks like a billy club with vibrant paint all over.
The sticker says 'Behavioral Adjustment Device for Fuzzy Discipline.'
Wonder what they'd need that for? Fuzzies are completely obedient.
”Find it yet?”
You're still wearing the goggles, and Dale's on speakerphone through your cellphone clipped to your belt.
”Yeah, it's this thing, right?”
It looks kinda like Robofluffy's head, only painted black, with a keypad and several outlets.
”Correct. Plug it into the computer and I'll upload the patch. It should rearrange enough of their code that it make 109 functionally useless.”
You do so, and the machine hums to life.
”Sweehawt scawed, no wan' be in scawy pwace no mo'...”
”Me neither, baby. Just be brave, alright? We'll be out of here soon.”
”No wan' soon, wan' out now. Why Daddy no weave wif Sweehawt?”
You kneel down. Explaining to her the importance of what you're doing is going to be hard, considering most of it involves concepts that go way beyond her understanding.
But you gotta tell her something. Fluffies are trusting by nature, but saying “just trust daddy” can only work for so long.
”You know the big white fuzzy monster that attacked you?”
Sweetheart nods and shrinks back, trying to cover her neck. “Sweehawt nu wike fuzzy munstas...”
”Well, daddy is going to try to fix the fuzzies so they can't hurt you or any other fluffy anymore.”
”Nu huwt fwends? Nu huwt Mawigowd ow Pam?”
Marigold...oh shit. You were going to meet Isaac and Marigold before they left.
Hopefully they got out of the park when the swarm broke through the gates.
And wasn't Pam a stray? Shit, she had babies...
”Yes, Sweetheart. If this works, they should be safe from the fuzzy monsters. But until I've fixed them, I need you to be a very brave fluffy, okay? Daddy won't let them hurt you again.”
You reach down to pet her. Your soft strokes calm her a little.
”Otay, Daddy. Sweehawt twy be bwave fwuffy....but stiww scawed.”
You pull her into a hug. “You can still be scared while being brave, honey. In fact, if you're brave while you're scared, it means you're even braver!”
This reassures her. “Den Sweehawt be bwavest fwuffy eva!”
”Hey, this is all really adorable and hugboxy and stuff, but we do have a job to do, Marshall. Those fuzzies need to be exposed to the transmitter signal.”
”So why haven't you done that already? It's all primed.”
”Oh, right. Forgot to mention, that transmitter only has an effective range of about 30 yards. You're going to have to bring the fuzzies into the room for it to work.”
”Godammit, Dale. That would have been nice to know earlier. This room's only big enough for like, 50 fuzzies at the most.”
”Then do them in groups. If they just came back to sleep, they'll probably be leaving soon. Hurry!”
You put Sweetheart into a nearby cage, then head towards the fuzzy storage room.
”Just stay calm, Sweetheart. Everything will be okay.”
You hope.
**********
The fuzzies are awake, and most of them are either eating or taking a morning litterbox visit.
Sweetheart is shaking like a leaf, and she's curled up in the corner of the cage furthest away from the fuzzies.
She's trying her hardest not to make noise, as if that will make her less noticeable.
You told them not to notice you last night, so aside from a few ear twitches that indicate they heard you enter the room, they pay you no mind.
You take a deep breathe. If this goes well, you'll be out of here in less than an hour.
”Attention, you ugly sons a bitches!”
No response.
Damn, that would have been funny.
”Listen up, fuzzies!”
Now they listen. Their heads all turn to you. The ones who were in the backs of their cages poke their heads out.
Having 100 fuzzies staring at you never gets less creepy.
”I need half of you to come with me.”
The 50 closest to you exit their cages and line up neatly in front of you, still staring up at you with their dead blue eyes.
Making sure to hold Sweetheart's cage with both hands, you lead them to the room with the transmitter.
They damn near fill the room.
Sweetheart's about to literally lose her shit.
No matter how many times you try to tell her that they can't get to her while she's in her cage, she's still in a room full of things that have tried to murder her.
Best to get this over with quickly.
”Let's go, Dale. By my math, we got 3 more groups to cover before they leave.”
”Uploading the patch now. You're going to have to hit that blue button for it to broadcast.....now.”
You carefully make your way over to the transmitter, feeling increasingly uncomfortable as the fuzzies are now between you and the door.
You punch the button, and the fuzzies all shiver simultaneously.
Their eyes are darting left and right rapidly, and they appear to be in some sort of trance.
”Dale, is this natural?”
”Yep. Almost all of their programming lies in their chip, and it disconnects from the brain temporarily in order to patch itself. They should resume normal function in a few seconds, and then Order 109 shouldn't be any...problem.....whatsoever......”
”Dale...why are you getting quiet all of a sudden?”
”....”
”Dale?”
”....”
”DALE!”
”Okay, so promise you won't be mad?”
You grit your teeth and breath heavily.
”Dale, what did you just do?”
”I might have, operative word being 'might', might have made a miscalculation.”
”What. Kind. Of miscalculation?”
”I may or may not have just given the fuzzies the instruction to 'Kill all humans with faces, so long as the sky is blue. If a fluffy is fluffy, kill it. If you can throw the cheese, do a barrel roll.'”
"Dammit, Dale, you just made it even worse!”
”It's not important to point fingers, what's important is that you get out of there right the hell now."
”No shit it's important!!! You're telling me I'm in a room with 50 things that now have orders to kill me?”
It's at that point that all the fuzzies in the room stop spinning their eyes.
Then they all look straight at you.
Then they all take a choreographed step forward.
”Oh FUCK!”
”MUNSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!”
”DALE YOU ASSHOLE!”
submitted by SkettiFamine to fluffycommunity [link] [comments]

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