William Hill Sports Book - Sports Betting - 1100 Nugget

DKNG - why the hype?

First, I am from Denmark, huge soccer fanatic and I occasionally do some sports betting once in a while.
So, I have been reading all the fuzz about DKNG and I know that the majority of the people here are US based, so I understand that sports betting apparently have been illegal in several states (all?), correct? So, I just quickly ran some numbers - please read this through and down downvote me yet haha, but from 2019 DKNG had"According to filings posted Thursday, 2019 revenues came in at $323 million*, but the company’s net loss almost doubled year-on-year from* $76 million to $142 million*."* (https://www.legalsportsreport.com/39020/draftkings-2019-revenue-report/) and comparing with the stocks market cap of 12.292B atm, it seems outright crazy (unless there's something I don't know about).Alright, why look back though, when you invest for future gains, I know. You say it is the technology and platform which is great and therefore it will grow a lot. But is it just because you are not aware of the big sports betting companies outside the US?
Again, I am from Denmark and in Europe sports betting is huge and there are some super big players. Check companies like BET365 "gaming revenue hit £2.98b, up 10% from fiscal 2017-18, while operating profit rose 12% to £767.1m and after-tax profit gained 16% to £681.7m."
Ladbrokes-Coral Group 2.5 Billion GBP / 30000 employeesPaddy Power Betfair Plc 1.75 Billion GBP / 8000 employeesWilliam Hill Plc 1.7 Billion GBP / 16000 employeesBet365 Group Ltd 2.3 Billion GBP / 3500employees888 Holdings Plc 600 Million GBP /1600 employeesBetfred 800 Million GBP / 1000 employees (https://playright.co.uk/betting/biggest-companies/)
These companies above are just UK based. There are a lot more in Europe - you get the gist.
So, why is it that DKNG has so much value? I have a super hard time imagining that the platform is better than all of those above, which have huge budgets and honestly I use Bet365 personally, they livesteam the games on your phone etc., great platform, super responsive etc. Is it because the majority in here has narrowed down their focus on US based companies only? I see no reason why the above mentioned companies shouldn't be able to gain huge chunks of the US market? I mean, I can bet on anything there, even US college/lower tier football/basketball, I can bet on who's going to be the next POTUS (Biden has a lead according to Bet365), all sorts of E-sport events, there's literally ANYTHING. I'm genuinely curious and want to know why it is such a "good" investment?
EDIT: Okay, so to write it super quick. If, and this "IF" is crucial, the US sports betting market is regulated such that US customers are exclusive to US sports betting companies, I can see where the hype is coming from ish. However, IF, the regulations lift and the European companies can enter the US market, I believe that you underestimate these monsters of betting companies and I do believe with the cash that they're sitting, can take a huge piece of the market, which means that DKNG's valuation based on % of the marketshare is wrong.
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Wall Street Breakfast: The Week Ahead. I read this and thought it interesting. Enjoy from SeekingAlpha

Nike (NYSE:NKE) will headline a light roster of earnings reports in the week ahead, while Apple's (NASDAQ:AAPL) WWDC event sets the stage for the company's launch of the first 5G iPhones later this year. On the economic front, reports on existing home sales, jobless claims, consumer spending and a Q1 GDP revision will be the headliners. Fed heads are out in force next week, with virtual speeches on the docket for Raphael Bostic, James Bullard and Charles Evans. In a sign of normalcy, Ford (NYSE:F) and Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (NYSE:FCAU) are expected to return to pre-pandemic production levels at U.S. plants, while results of Fed stress tests on major banks will be announced on June 25.
Earnings spotlight: IHS Market (NYSE:INFO) on June 23; BlackBerry (NYSE:BB), KB Home (NYSE:KBH) and National Beverage (NASDAQ:FIZZ) on June 24; Nike (NKE), Darden Restaurants (NYSE:DRI), Accenture (NYSE:ACN) and Rite Aid (NYSE:RAD) on June 25.
IPO watch: U.S. grocery store operator Albertsons (ACI) is expected to price its IPO next week and begin to trade. The company could have a valuation of over $10B if the IPO prices at the midpoint of the expected range of $18 to $20 range. Albertsons, which is looking to raise as much as $2B, is one of the grocery chains seeing a sales boom in business during the coronavirus pandemic. Stakeholders Kimco Realty (NYSE:KIM) and Cerberus Capital are both selling off shares in the offering. No other IPOs are due to price during the week.
M&A tidbits: The walk date for the Caesars Entertainment (NASDAQ:CZR)-Eldorado Resorts (NASDAQ:ERI) merger arrives on June 24, although no surprises are anticipated. Shareholders vote on the Provident Financial (NYSE:PFS)-SB One Bancorp (NASDAQ:SBBX) deal on June 25. On the same date, Delphi Technologies (NYSE:DLPH) shareholders vote on the merger with BorgWarner (NYSE:BWA). It is almost a lock that there will be some more drama in the Taubman Centers (NYSE:TCO)-Simon Property (NYSE:SPG) duel.
Projected dividend changes (quarterly): Kroger (NYSE:KR) to $0.17 from $0.16, John Wiley (NYSE:JW.A) to $0.35 from $0.34, Saul Centers (NYSE:BFS) to $0.27 from $0.53.
Spotlight on Nike: Nike will post its FQ4 report with more uncertainty in the air than almost any time before due to the lack of formal guidance from the company. The two biggest pullouts from the report are likely to be the pace of recovery in China and the momentum of the e-commerce business. Nike is one of the companies seen by Wall Street as in a strong position on the other side of the pandemic. "We see Nike as favorably positioned for both secular fitness/casualization trends and industry structural changes that benefit those with strong direct engagement with consumers," notes bullish-leaning Wells Fargo ahead of the print. Stocks that quite often move right along with Nike on earnings day include Foot Locker (NYSE:FL), adidas (OTCQX:ADDYY), Under Armour (NYSE:UAA) and Dick's Sporting Goods (NYSE:DKS).
WWDC: Apple will hold its annual developers conference on June 22-26 in a virtual format this year. Apple is expected to announce its ARM-based Macs as the company advances its control of chips and architecture away from Intel (NASDAQ:INTC). Enhancements with iOS14, tvOS 14 and watchOS 7 are also anticipated, along with new products/R&D initiatives on the AR headset and wearables/AirPods front. Tim Cook will give the keynote presentation on June 22 at 10:00 Pacific time in what is likely to be his last presentation before the annual September iPhone reveal event.
Healthcare watch: Bristol-Myers Squibb (NYSE:BMY) has an investor series presentation next week covering its early pipeline/immuno-oncology on June 22 and hematology on June 25. PDUFA dates arrive for Karyopharm Therapeutics' (NASDAQ:KPTI) Xpovio on June 23, Zogenix's (NASDAQ:ZGNX) Fintepla on June 25 and Heron Therapeutics' (NASDAQ:HRTX) HTX-011 on June 26. The big event of the week in the sector is the American Association for Cancer Research (AACR) Virtual Annual Meeting II running from June 22-24. A large number of potentially market-moving posters and abstracts are due to be released, as well as special sessions on COVID-19 and cancer research. Some of the notable companies due to present include Gilead Sciences (NASDAQ:GILD), AstraZeneca (NYSE:AZN), Phio Pharmaceuticals (NASDAQ:PHIO), Exicure (NASDAQ:OTC:XCUR), Xencor (NASDAQ:XNCR), ESSA Pharma (NASDAQ:EPIX), ImmunoGen (NASDAQ:IMGN), Molecular Templates (NASDAQ:MTEM), Guardant Health (NASDAQ:GH), CRISPR Therapeutics (NASDAQ:CRSP), Jounce Therapeutics (NASDAQ:JNCE), GlycoMimetics (NASDAQ:GLYC), Seattle Genetics (NASDAQ:SGEN), Provectus Therapeutics (OTC:PVCT), ORIC Pharmaceuticals (NASDAQ:ORIC), Sanofi (NASDAQ:SNY), aTyr Pharma (NASDAQ:LIFE), TG Therapeutics (NASDAQ:TGTX) and Neoleukin Therapeutics (NASDAQ:NLTX).
Bank tests: The Federal Reserve will release results of the annual bank stress tests on June 25. Fed Vice Chair Randal Quarles noted that the test this year includes running banks up against three possible economic trajectories of varying severity to see how they perform due to the unprecedented uncertainty about the pandemic. The test will see how banks perform against a rapid V-shaped recovery, a slower U-shaped recovery and a rough W-shaped recovery. The test results could factor in to dividend decisions down the road for Bank of America (NYSE:BAC), Citigroup (NYSE:C), Goldman Sachs (NYSE:GS) and JPMorgan (NYSE:JPM), while Capital One (NYSE:COF) and Morgan Stanley (NYSE:MS) are seen being pushed under the scenarios. Traders are making plays based on the results, with a notable amount of bullish options bets being placed on Wells Fargo (NYSE:WFC). Some other bank names to watch when the results roll out are PNC Financial (NYSE:PNC), Truist (NYSE:TFC), Regions Financial (NYSE:RF), Ally Financial (NYSE:ALLY), HSBC North America (NYSE:HSBC), UBS (NYSE:UBS), Credit Suisse (NYSE:CS), Barclays (NYSE:BCS), Bank of New York Mellon (NYSE:BK) and Huntington Bancshares (NASDAQ:HBAN).
Analyst meetings and business updates: Electronic Arts (NASDAQ:EA) will host a fireside chat for the investor community with members of its management team on June 22. The impact of some of the games introduced at EA Play Live 2020 will be discussed. Hewlett Packard Enterprises (NYSE:HPE) is launching the first-ever HPE Discover Virtual Experience on June 23 to showcase the company's pivot to an edge-to-cloud platform-as-a-service company. In the transportation sector, Kansas City Southern (NYSE:KSU) is participating in a Q&A webcast with Cowen on June 23. Also on June 23, Dell Technologies (NYSE:DELL) has an investor call with Morgan Stanley scheduled. Meanwhile, Sanofi is holding a virtual R&D day event on June 23. Bristol-Myers Squibb has an investor event covering immunology and cardiovascular on June 26.
Conferences rundown: The timing looks spot on for the Jefferies Virtual Consumer Conference on June 23-24 with the pandemic shifting shopping habits in the U.S. Companies due to present include Hasbro (NASDAQ:HAS), Planet Fitness (NYSE:PLNT), Nu Skin (NYSE:NUS), Freshpet (NYSE:FPT), Murphy USA (NYSE:MUSA), Sysco (NYSE:SYY), Hostess Brands (NASDAQ:TWNK), Shack Shack (NYSE:SHAK) and Jack in the Box (NASDAQ:JACK). In the healthcare sector, the BMO 2020 Prescriptions for Success Healthcare Conference features virtual presentations by Humana (NYSE:HUM), Halozyme (NASDAQ:HALO), Horizon Therapeutics (NASDAQ:HZNP), Apellis Pharmaceuticals (NASDAQ:APLS), Amgen (NASDAQ:AMGN) and Replimune (NASDAQ:REPL) on June 23. Other conferences of note include the SVB Leerink CybeRx Series CNS Forum, BMO Chemicals & Packaging Conference, Wells Fargo Bricks to Clicks Digital Conference, Goldman Sachs Leveraged Finance Conference and the Morgan Stanley Zero Trust Architectures Virtual Thematic Conference. On the smaller side of the conference schedule, the mining and metals sectors will be in focus, with John Tumazos Very Independent Research virtual meetings set for June 23-24 on Wheaton Precious Metals (NYSE:WPM), Western Copper and Gold (NYSEMKT:WRN), KORE Mining (OTCQB:KOREF), Amarillo Gold (OTCQB:AGCBF), Sierra Metals (NYSEMKT:SMTS), Foran Mining (OTC:FMCXF), Wolfden Resources (OTC:WLFFF), Trilogy Metals (NYSEMKT:TMQ) and Adventus Mining (OTCQX:ADVZF).
Ford F-150: Ford has a digital reveal event for the all-new F-150 set for June 25. The Ford team is expected to describe innovative features of the all-new F-150, including the new electrical architecture, a flat-lying passenger sleeper seat and over-the-air updates to key modules controlling vehicle performance and user experiences. The new truck is seen as a critical part of Ford's plan to slash $5B in warranty costs and push the automaker's vehicle connectivity platform. As a profit generator, the F-150 launch later this year will also help restore the company's balance sheet. The all-new Ford F-150 will be discussed by execs in detail during a June 26 conference call with Citi Research.
Deurbanization trade: Expect more talk from analysts next week about which sectors and stocks could benefit if the mega-trend of people and businesses moving out of downtowns of major cities becomes a reality. Jefferies got the ball rolling last week by singling out Home Depot (NYSE:HD), Lowe's (NYSE:LOW), Best Buy (NYSE:BBY), Floor & Decor (NYSE:FND), At Home (NYSE:HOME), Williams-Sonoma (NYSE:WSM) and Wayfair (NYSE:W) as retailers that could gain from an uptick in suburban living and more spending on houses than metropolitan apartments. One of the bigger pure plays is Tractor Supply (NASDAQ:TSCO), which has racked up a 64% gain over the last 90 days.
RVs: Keep an eye on the RV sector with May shipment numbers due out from the RV Industry Association. Demand is expected to be on the rebound after RV shipments fell 82% in April. Looking ahead, there is a difference in opinion on Wall Street on the outlook for Winnebago (NYSE:WGO), Thor Industries (NYSE:THO), Patrick Industries (NASDAQ:PATK), LCI Industries (NYSE:LCII) and Camping World Holdings (NYSE:CWH). Some firms like SunTrust Robinson Humphrey expect a RV boom as consumers gravitate toward safer vacations, while Bank of America has warned that the high rate of unemployment and salary cuts could keep discretionary spending in check.
Sports betting: Time is running out for the California Assembly to pass legislation on sports betting to move the issue to the November ballot. The bill has to pass through the legislature before June 25 to become an election issue. Why is it a big deal? California is forecast to have the potential for a +$30B sports betting market through sports books placed at tribal casinos, horse racing tracks and satellite wagering facilities. "California could easily become one of the most productive sports-betting markets in the world," observes gaming analyst Chris Grove. Tax revenue from sports betting would also help the Golden State with its budget issues amid the pandemic and economic downturn. Stocks of interest in relations to how sports betting in California plays out include DraftKings (NASDAQ:DKNG), William Hill (OTCPK:WIMHF), MGM Resorts (NYSE:MGM), Caesars Entertainment, Fanduel (DUEL), Red Rock Resorts (NASDAQ:RRR), Boyd Gaming (NYSE:BYD) and Wynn Resorts (NASDAQ:WYNN).
Casinos: The Nevada Gaming Commission is meeting on June 25 to likely approve amendments to state regulations that would streamline the process for moving to modern payment methods. The casino industry in general wants to quickly adopt cashless payment transactions on the casino floor due to the risk of handling cash during the coronavirus outbreak. The casino reset could have implications for Visa (NYSE:V), Mastercard (NYSE:MA) and American Express (NYSE:AXP), as well as financial apps from Apple (AAPL), Google (NASDAQ:GOOGL) (NASDAQ:GOOG) and PayPal (NASDAQ:PYPL). Casino operators like MGM Resorts, Wynn Resorts, Caesars Entertainment and Penn National Gaming (NASDAQ:PENN) would also welcome the change.
What's not playing: Warner Bros.'s (NYSE:T) feature animated film Scoob! will stream on HBO Max on June 26 after running in a premium video on-demand window. The children's picture was first scheduled for theaters on May 15 before opting for a 48-hour rental PVOD period price of U.S. $19.99. While Scoob! didn't make quite the splash that Trolls World Tour did in the spring when it nabbed $100M in digital sales over three weeks, it's another incremental step away from the traditional studio release format for major studios like Sony (NYSE:SNE), Universal Pictures (NASDAQ:CMCSA) and Disney (NYSE:DIS). As for theater chains, auditoriums are likely to operate at 25% to 50% capacity as AMC Entertainment (NYSE:AMC), Cinemark (NYSE:CNK), IMAX (NASDAQ:IMAC), Marcus Entertainment (NYSE:MCS) and Reading International (NASDAQ:RDI) open back up this summer.
Notable annual meetings: Companies with virtual annual meetings set next week include Ollie's Bargain Outlet Holdings (NASDAQ:OLLI) on June 22, Dave & Buster's Entertainment (NASDAQ:PLAY) on June 23, Keurig Dr Pepper (NYSE:KDP) on June 24, At Home Group and Tailored Brands (NYSE:TLRD) on June 25.
Barron's mentions: The publication digs out four industrial companies whose stocks are called compelling. Midsize manufacturers RBC Bearings (NASDAQ:ROLL) and Wabtec (NYSE:WAB) join large-caps Emerson Electric (NYSE:EMR) and Ametek (NYSE:AME) on the short list of economy recovery picks. Of the four, Wabtec trades with the lowest forward PE ratio at 14.2. Brunswick (NYSE:BC) is also singled out this week as an advantageous product-mix shift and rising boat demand are seen helping to drive shares higher. Most of Brunswick's profit is derived from the high-margin Mercury engine business. The rally in tech names hasn't encapsulated the entire sector. Attractive names still trading at less than 4X sales include Western Digital (NASDAQ:WDC), CACI International (NYSE:CACI), Leidos Holdings (NYSE:LDOS), Seagate Technology (NASDAQ:STX), Amdocs (NASDAQ:DOX), Ciena (NYSE:CIEN), Accenture, MKS Instruments (NASDAQ:MKSI), Intel and F5 Networks (NASDAQ:FFIV). The cover story this week hits on the rising inequality issue in the U.S., noting that it can be a breeding ground for all kinds of concerning things for the market like secular stagnation.
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Bookmakers Not On Gamstop

Bookmakers Not On Gamstop

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The bookmakers on this site are not licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, therefore they are not obligated to operate by the strict UK government guidelines. Instead, they are regulated by the gambling authorities like MGA (Malta Gambling Authority) or the Isle of Man Gambling Supervision Commission.
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The Top 6
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Gamstop is a self-exclusion scheme introduced in April 2020 by the UK government that allows players to block themselves from any gambling activity. Due to the pressures placed on UK bookmakers by the UK Gambling Commission, they are restricted to what bonuses they can offer new customers.
Since bookmakers in the UK cannot operate unless licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, this will have a huge impact on the gambling industry. Gamstop was originally created so that players could take control of their gambling habits.
Once you have signed up to Gamstop and excluded yourself from gambling activity, the gambling companies you are registered to will automatically be notified and then close all accounts related to your name and prevent you from signing back in. Furthermore, as of April 2020, the UK Gambling Commission have places restrictions on players depositing on credit cards, an setting deposit limit amounts which cannot be exceeded in a specific time frame.
Due to the pressures placed on UK gambling companies by the UK Gambling Commission, this has had a significant affect on what offers and bonuses the gambling companies can now offer. The gambling industry has taken a devastating affect on enticing more customers to play on their sites.
Gambling companies under the UK Gambling Commission such as; WilliamHill, Coral, Betway, to name a few are restricted to offer new customers no deposit offers or attractive bonuses to join their sites.
Benefits of Bookmakers Not on GamStop
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Bookmakers Not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES)

Bookmakers Not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES):>
https://bookmakersnotongamstop.co.uk
What is Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES)?
Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES) is a self-exclusion scheme introduced in April 2020 by the UK government that allows players to block themselves from any gambling activity. Due to the pressures placed on UK bookmakers by the UK Gambling Commission, they are restricted to what bonuses they can offer new customers.
Since bookmakers in the UK cannot operate unless licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, this will have a huge impact on the gambling industry. Gamstop was originally created so that players could take control of their gambling habits.
Once you have signed up to the Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES) and excluded yourself from gambling activity, the gambling companies you are registered to will automatically be notified and then close all accounts related to your name and prevent you from signing back in. Furthermore, as of April 2020, the UK Gambling Commission have places restrictions on players depositing on credit cards, an setting deposit limit amounts which cannot be exceeded in a specific time frame.
Due to the pressures placed on UK gambling companies by the UK Gambling Commission, this has had a significant affect on what offers and bonuses the gambling companies can now offer. The gambling industry has taken a devastating affect on enticing more customers to play on their sites.
Gambling companies under the UK Gambling Commission such as; WilliamHill, Coral, Betway, to name a few are restricted to offer new customers no deposit offers or attractive bonuses to join their sites.
Benefits of Bookmakers Not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES)
Bookmakers not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES) are not licensed by the UK Gambling Commission, therefore they are not obligated to operate by the strict UK government guidelines. Instead, they are regulated by the gambling authorities like MGA (Malta Gambling Authority) or the Isle of Man Gambling Supervision Commission.
So what does this mean?
Bookmakers not on Multi-Operator Self Exclusion Scheme (MOSES) can offer great offers and bonuses to play on their sites as they do not come under the strict rules of the UK Gambling Commission. These bonuses can be very attractive and rewarding, such as no deposit offers or lucrative matched deposits. Many UK players enjoy the freedom and high bonuses bookmakers not on Gamstop have to offer for joining their site.
For more information visit:> https://bookmakersnotongamstop.co.uk



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https://reddit.com/link/fpzj06/video/xw6qyumro8p41/player
submitted by MozellaTatum to NonGamstopCasinos [link] [comments]

THIS...THIS is a SCOUTING REPORT. SORT OF.

PRE-RAMBLE: If you don't know who I am, just skip this, honestly, you won't like it so, why bother upsetting yourself on a game day that will likely end in us being victorious. We won't have a ton of wins this year so don't bother getting confused and bummed out by my stupid shit. Just skip this.
For the rest of you!! (read: for about 9 of you)
Don’t call this a comeback!!!
The reports are in; you miss me, well 4 of you miss me and that’s enough for this week at least. And to be honest, it’s probably the last of it.
Seriously, don’t this a comeback because I’m ghosting y’all after this one.
Why did I go away? Well, I’m still here I’m not just hated, a pariah even, because I have had the audacity to say that we may not be a very good football team. I only say that because our record is 4 wins 137 losses since our last Super Bowl, I think...I’m not sure though, I counted very quickly and completely in my head without checking the internet at all. I feel like I remember winning 4 games though, right? Maybe.
We seem to live in a world where you’re either called a Nazi or a Snowflake and there is no in between and that has spread to this, and every other sub. You either love the Giants and bow down to every move they make or you’re “not a real fan.” I love this team and I absolutely hate the owner and GM. Both things are possible, don’t @ me. Tase me bro, but don't @ me.
Father Tip: (I’m a dad now so I’m very wise) If you agree with anyone 100% of the time you lack intelligence or you aren’t paying attention.
To prove how much you must drink the Kool Aid there is a current post about how evil the Bad-Man-Baby-Fondler Jerry Reese was and how Poor-Old-Mr-Nice-Man Dave Gettleman is doing his, awh-shucks, best. Here’s the truth, they can both stink. One can be slightly better than the other, or they can both be decent for what they were asked to do when they were asked to do it. It’s pretty likely that they’re both okay and neither is great. Jerry Reese was the head of pro-player scouting and did a great job of bringing in talent off the streets, whereas DG was a head scout and his drafts prove that out.
We look back at Reese drafts with the benefit (really through the shit-colored glasses) of time and we look at Gettleman drafts through the lens of “if player X improves in year Y he’ll be great!” Remember how BJ Hill was going to be an All Pro player because he had a good game against the Bears last year and now he’s lost his starting job to a player who wasn’t good enough for the god damn Jets? Yeah, well remember Reuben Randle had 71 receptions for just under 1,000 yards? We are waiting to see what BJ Hill becomes and meanwhile we remember Randle as, well, not great player. In fact, most of us pretend Randle was pure trash.
I’m not saying Gettleman is a fat, worthless, arrogant, piece of shit just like I’m not saying the Reese was some smooth talking, handsome, young black man. I’m saying they’re both GMs in their respective days who, likely, should have remained scouts. Head scouts at that, but scouts because they both have strengths and weaknesses and being GMs isn't their strengths.
I always admired on Reese looked cool while making bad decisions. Thought that was fun, I wish Dave Gettleman didn’t look like an assistant, overnight manager at Duane Reade who doesn’t quite understand how pants fit.
Anyway, this is why I’m not around. I’m not around, insofar as doing these write ups, because of the decline from spirited conversation toward dogmatic hero worship. Also, John Mara is a dickless turtle who should get fucked in his ear until his brain starts making better decisions about his billion dollar product.
Also, this post is in response to a “what happened to him” post. Many of you have come to this sub after I stopped posting these so, for you, just know that I’m just some old fuck waving his cane at the internet. If anything these posts started as well crafted scouting reports with lots of dumb jokes and they slowly turned into drunken jokes with very few “facts” thrown in just to keep me honest (I was never honest, I’m not a reporter and nobody is fact checking me. I'm just an asshole who drinks too much.)
Anyway this is for jimhenderson novelliant hollenb1 stevo2115 elkgravey starvinart /uTheMisterIt and thatsyurblood even though he’s just here for the nintendo of it all – and especially for glaci0us who can’t get my fucking user name right.
GIANTS VS JETS RIVALRY
The Giants lead the all time series 8-5. What? Seriously? 13 whole fucking games? Why do people call this a rivalry? We’re in different divisions. We’ve never played a meaningful game against each other. We share the worst stadium in the league. Seriously, I’ve been to prisons, for work, all up and down the Hudson river and the ugliest prison I saw was MetLife Stadium.
The Snoopy Bowl??? Shut. The. Fuck. Up. First of all, Snoopy didn’t ever play football, if he weren't a cartoon he'd be a god damn dog. Charlie Brown at least tried to be a kicker but that stupid asshole Violet Gray, was a worse holder than Tony Romo in the playoffs and kept ruining it for Charlie. Seriously, that little girl charged for Psychiatry? You need a license for that shit and also, you’re mean to everyone and you’re a terrible person; what makes you think you could be a therapist?! Fuck her, fuck Snoopy, fuck corporate sponsored stadiums that still ask for tax dollars to be built, and fuck that giant cement turd in the middle of a swamp that has fancy blue or green lights depending on the Sunday. Fuck sharing. Especially fuck sharing with a redneck cousin, which is essentially what the Jets are.
Hey Jets, why don’t you move to Staten Island like the trash that you are.
(Note: I have only been to Staten Island once and found it lovely. This joke was cheap and doesn’t really mean much of anything so don’t get all offended like a whiny turd.)
If anything this is a sibling rivalry, at best. That is, if your younger sibling had just barely enough geneses to be considered a human – but definitely not the right amount. Having to share a stadium with these fucking turds is like when your mom bought you a new video game and half an hour into playing it she’s all like; “Okay, TheMisterIt let’s let your brother try it too.” And it’s like; “hey bitch, did you buy it for me or for thatsyurblood? Because you go away for 8-10 hours a day to work and for those hours I don’t have a mother, so maybe you could tell that job to give you enough money to buy 2 god damn video games. Hey, why don’t you take off your pants and send them to Aunt Carol...I think she should have a turn! You’ve had them on long enough.”
Or you know, maybe you have a better relationship with your mother, what do I know?
Point is, we don’t really hate the Jets for being the Jets, if anything we should hate that our parents are too god damn cheap to move us to our own apartments. Stick the Giants in Brooklyn, or Queens, or Meadowlands on the Hudson, leave us in Northern Jersey – I don’t care, just give us our own home and put a fucking roof on it so you can make money in the winter, you stupid, too proud to be “old school” morons.
“Why would we want to sell out our stadium in February for a Billy Joel concert followed by a week of sold Taylor Swift concert, when instead we can keep a roof off of it and make it look like a computer generated stadium in Madden ‘95?” says Mara, who I remind you, is dickless.
Let’s never forget that John Shitfuck Mara is the cowardly turtle grandson of a great man who gambled and cheated his way into being a very rich man. He was a god damn gangster! Meanwhile Little Johnny is all mushy mouthed and says things like; “mmmmmmmmI don’t know….I mean…..if the fans are sad about Eli not playing maybe I should hire a GM 100% based on the idea that he still thinks Eli is cute enough to get us wins.”
That’s not the apple falling far from the tree, it’s the apple falling off the tree and crying despite the fact that it is, in fact, an apple and not a human.
And shut up...I love Eli. I would encourage my wife blow him for 17 days straight if it meant he was able to stand in the pocket over the past 4 years and deliver the football like he knows he should have. But that just wasn’t going to happen because he was “seeing ghosts.” Or no wait, he was seeing actual players who were actually destroying him because he actually had an actually terrible offensive line. Just like Danny Dimes does currently.
The difference is Eli know AARP and Danny never lived in a world where he had to yell at one of his 93 siblings to get off the phone because he wanted to look up “key words: Bewbs.” The translation to that is Eli would die if he were hit and Danny is too young to know that he's slowly dying by playing football.
Rivalry? Nope. I don’t buy it. I don’t like them because growing up they were on TV after the Giants and it put me to sleep because I grew up in the era when the Jents sucked...which is every era save for about 6 seasons sprinkled in since they became a franchise.
A NOTE TO MR. BARKLEY, RB DAD
I used to have a father. He didn’t care about me much. We’d talk once in a while. But if I were good at anything in this world, which I am not, and found success in it, which I never will - he would come on board and support me and I have absolutely no questions about that.
Meanwhile, Saquon’s father is going to wear a fucking Jets jersey? How god damn pathetic is that?
This legit, all bullshit aside, makes me very sad for both of them. I don’t know their relationship and maybe it’s not my place to be sad for them but god damn it sounds fucking awful to have your own father at your game openly only half routing for you.
Of course Saquon is a home run hitter. Of course he’s also trying to turn a 2 yard gain into a TD, he grew up watching the Jets so from age 5 through 19 he only say 4 touchdowns scored by his favorite team. And his dad is a bigger fan of that than he is of his fully grown, other-worldly sperm.
I have a daughter and whatever she wants to do, I’ll support her. If she’s like; “Dad, I want to do porn because blowing penises is the greatest thing in the world so I’ve signed with Vivid Entertainment.” I will run out, that same day and get my Brazzers Tattoo removed. Or at least covered up.
I get that our fandom runs deep but if your a bigger fan of a jersey (that has different people wearing it every single year) than you are of the person your wife spent 2 years carrying and feeding from her body...a child who you worked your ass off to protect and love, if that jersey means more to you than that kid...I don't know man. I'm just sad as fuck for you.
(I looked up his name this morning and now I forgot it and I don’t want to spend another second thinking about him so that's why I didn't name him. I cannot stress this enough, this story breaks my heart for Saquon and Saquon is my dude so I’m now forever mad at his father on his behalf. We don’t know how much our parents have fucked us up until after they’re gone for a while and we do a lot of work on it - likely in therapy. This is definitely damaging to Saquon no matter what he says or even if he doesn’t realize it yet. His father is actively putting a sport above his family. That’s the least manly thing I’ve ever heard. It’s also the least motherly thing I’ve ever heard but in this case we aren’t talking about chicks brah. We’ll talk about chicks later )
WHEN THE JETS HAVE THE BALL
Imagine the scene, 3 years ago, Ben RoethlisDouble!uarterPounderWithCheeseAndSexualAssault, Antonio BrownSoundAlsoWithSexualAssault, and Le’vitation Bell were all on the same team and that team still couldn’t win it all. Imagine how difficult it would be for future Inbredskin’s coach Mike Epps to hold all that together without incident or really any meaningful victories with that talented and insane crew.
(Note the Inbredskins are so fucking stupid I bet Danny Snybro would actually hire Mike Epps just because he looks like that Pittsburg bro.)
Now imagine you were the best part of that trio and you spend an entire year not playing so you could be rewarded handsomely the following year. Only to be rewarded by being sent off to the ugly step-brother of NY, in a team who hired a coach seemingly just to make Pat Shurmur look like a genius by comparison. You almost have to feel bad for Bell but then again, he’s pretty fucking rich so he's clearly winning over us mere non-sports playing assfarts.
The Jests offense is as bad as they come, literally they're worst in the league in YPG, 2nd to last in PPG at 12 fucking points per game...what?! That's so bad it sounds fake and yet, somehow, as if by magic and cancer Washington is even worse.
They have decent skill players though. Sam Darnold was set back in his progression a bit this season by a few things; firstly he had his open mouth kiss and it made his tummy hurt so he had to take some time off, secondly Adam Gase sucked Peyton Manning’s dick into a 2nd head coaching job, and thirdly he might be fat? I don’t know. He’s got the round stupid face of a much fatter human. Is that why he sucks now? Will someone please tell me if he’s fat or if his face is just an inflatable safety device. Tell me!!!
By the way I rather like the new NY Jeff’s uniforms, they’re pretty cool. It’s the best part about their team. It’s almost like they’re not a bottom 5 organization in every single possible way – but they are. “Hey we may suck forever but check out this new shade of green!!” Fuck me, I fell for it. I like it.
Jesus. That was exhausting. Almost as exhausting as it would be to pretend that I’ve watched the Jeffs play a single game this season. I used to watch the team we were going to face every weekend before we faced them. But that was when I did this scouting reports before. I didn’t know I was going to write this up until there was a post BEGGGING (read: not a single person suggested) that I do another one. Also, last week they played the Dolphins. I picked the Dolphins in a survivor pool. That’s how little I think of the Jets. And yet, I’m scared we find a way to lose this game.
Anyway, Dam Sarnold is fine, I feel bad because Adam Gase may look like 3rd act of Philadelphia Tom Hanks but he coaches like first act of Forrest Gump Tom Hanks and that’s holding Samwise Darngy back...is he fat!? Is Sam Darnold fucking chubby or not!?
What to say about Adam Gase that has already been said by your asshole the morning after drinking 47 Bud Lights, eating a slice of pizza and then deciding that you should chase that down with an entire pizza but you’re going to cover it with hot sauce and then that hot sauce giving you a second wind so you drink 13 IPAs and think greasy ass chicken wings will really mend this bridge so you won’t fee sick the next day, and you smoke a joint a fall asleep. Then you wake up and think; “this is very much not my bed and this is very much not my home, I’ve got to get out of here.” You sit up and your head feels like a camera just pulled in tight on your face while playing a sad trombone into “Mad World” the Gary Jules version. You can barely stand, let alone sneak around. But when you get to your feet you realize, whomever’s home this is, you’re going to have to pay a visit to the toilet before you...no! You can’t!!! So you dash out of the house, half dressed, half retarded, and half dead – look at the sun because suddenly you think you’ll have a directional sense of where your home is, knowing that has never been the case before.
You stumble a block or two and you run into your cuntiest Aunt. Aunt Carol and you say; “Oh wow, nice pants!” And she says they were your mothers but she sent them randomly one day then she says she’s so glad you could make it to the brunch.
You think; “Brunch?” not realizing you said it aloud and she says; “Yeah, for Stacy’s wedding, it’s at the diner here.” You think about how that’s definitely a breakfast and not a brunch but you look up to see the diner and theres your god damn grandmother and she looks at you like a child at a puppy on Christmas so you have to go now. So you choke a turd back up into your asshole by about 4 feet and you put on a smile. “Hi Nana,” you say because despite being nearly 80 she says “grandma” makes her “feel old.” You go in, sit down and immediately order a coffee. You take three sips and it triggers something deep inside you and you stand to go to the bathroom but your stomach only allows you half stand, half crouch, you yell something about back pain as you shuffle to the bathroom, which is more spacious than you anticipated. You run for the first stall you see, it’s gross, there’s a swastika carved in the seat and slightly more piss on the seat than there is fresh water remaining on the Earth so you rip your pants down and hover, you’re barely aimed correctly as you start to fire and quickly learn why there’s often shit up the back of the bowl.
You ruin it. The toilet will never again be the same. You feel lighter. You’ve feel like you’ve shed the memories of 6 exes. And you hear a slightly southern voice on the other side of the stall saying; “hell yeah dude, that sounds amazing, get after it!” You wipe..you wipe again...fuck it, you wipe until you bleed and when you exit he’s still standing there, slowly clapping. It’s Peyton Manning. He’s the only person who appreciates Adam Gase and now you finally know why.
That toilet. That’s Adam Gase. (Imagine that were a port-a-potty instead of a diner, and you have Ben McAdoo.)
We’re similar offenses:
Oof, shall we talk about our defense here? Betcher was hired because he blitzed all the time in Arizona. Now he never blitzes. In part because why would he even bother? We can rush 11 and QBs still stand in there and have time to let the play develop. Our defensive roster is so gross that I actively spend a majority of my week drowning myself to try to induce some sort of water-logged-brain-CTE situation.
We haven’t drafted a good linebacker since I started ejaculating...I’m 40. We had a decent safety who left to get overpaid, fair. Fine. But we replaced him with CC Brown from the Browns and went and signed CC Brown from the Cardinals. I hope that Peppers ends up being a spicy player who is nothing to sneeze at but right now, he’s just a guy who is likely to be ground up in the passing game. I hope that Bethea goes away. And he will but not after really hurting us this year.
Janory Jenky has officially lost the right to be called Jckrbbit because he stinks and refuses to try for more than 10-15 plays a game. Baker’s problem in the draft was that people thought he lacked effort and relied on his natural talents to get by...it sure would be nice to at least see those natural talents that they were talking about.
Actually, I came on the board recently to defend him a bit, he’s done much, much better over the past few weeks. He still hasn’t been very good but he’s been better and that’s all I really want; to see the young players improve. So stop saying “this year is about getting better” and then also arguing that Baker is a piece of shit. Sure, he’s not great but he’s literally doing the one thing we all want. Imagine that, the president of the Dave Gettleman is a Fat Shit Fan Club defending a Dave Fat Shit Gettleman draft pick!!! It’s almost as if there is nuance in the world...who would have thunk it?
I have been told by many people that we have linebackers on our roster but I have seen no evidence of this.
I refuse to believe it/acknowledge them. Some players have LB numbers but really are playing DE in sub and those guys are Lorenzo “if he improves in year 2 we’ll be fine at edge rusher” Carter who has not really imporved at all in year two but has 2.5 sacks and 8 QB hits. Oshane “I know he went to small school but he’s going to be the steal of the draft” Ximines who has not really been much of a steal but played almost exactly to the level at which he was drafted, has 2 sacks and 4 QB. And Markus “Hey, alright!” Golden who leads the way with 5.5 sacks, 13 QB hits and gives more effort than just about anyone on the team.
(note: I think DG stinks at evaluating pro-level players and is a very, very excellent college scout. I think that he’s fantastic at drafting talent but it isn’t always the talent the team needs because he’s not great at roster construction. I’m very vocal about all of this as you’ve seen. And yet, I think signing Golden was a great move and he was absolutely right and I was absolutely wrong. Guess what; it’s okay to be wrong! Humility, especially when it’s involving something we have zero effect on, should be/can be easy.)
(Note on that note: part of why I didn’t want to do these is because I knew I’d use them to lecture at some point...sorry about that. Could delete it but I won’t because, let’s be honest, I really never edited these all that much and I’ve also preached a bunch in other spots too. Whatever. You can stop reading at any point.)
DL: one of the funniest things I read was about how Leonard Williams was telling his Giants’ teammates all about the Jats. I can only imagine that there is “Hard Knocks” style room where the entire team is sitting, knock on wood if you know what I mean, and Williams raises his hand in the air.
Head Coach Patrick J. (don’t know his middle initial) Shurmburn is like; “yes, Lenny?” Knock on wood if you like calling him Lenny.
Lenny; “Yo, coach, I think I know a thing or two about the BasicallyDolphins, if you know what I mean,” and an 80’s style laugh track plays out of nowhere, knock on wood if you feel me.
He comes to the front of the room and he looks very seriously at each player, which takes a long time because there are about 90 people in the room with the practice players, coaching staff, training staff, and a woman named Margo who just hangs around whenever they let her. Lenny is a bit shy but he clears his throat, looks down and collects himself before looking back up and saying; “they are pretty bad at football...um..that’s pretty much it.”
Knock on wood if you think the Raider’s season of Hard Knocks was the worst one ever.
Our DL is pretty decent. There isn’t a single player on it that really scares you but there are good players across the board. BJ Hill had a good game against the Bears last year, Dexter Lawrence is the Odell Beckham of DTs, Dalvin Tomlinson was drafted by Jerry Reese so you probably hate him, and RJ McIntosh tricks you every time you see him because you’re like; “90? Is that...oh no, wait though, who the fuck is it?”
Honestly, Lawrence was a frustrating draft pick and I was totally wrong, it looks like he’s going to be a complete stud.
WHEN THE GIANTS HAVE THE BALL
The line was together for every game this season, proving once again that consistency is the most important element to having a great offensive line...not counting “having good players.” Remmers will likely miss this game because his back has been broken since we last drafted a good LB and Halapio is out with Halitosis. That means we get to see...oh it probably won’t matter, if I’m being honest. Remmers has been bad and Halapio has been pronounced differently by every announcer this year and that’s about all we can say positive about him. I guess Gates and Pulley will get the start. Pulley is just as good as Talapia and Gates is, I mean who the fuck knows really?
Also out; Sterling Shepard and Evan Engram who are the only two pass catchers on the Giants to create any separation at all this season. Even still, it was about 9 yards.
And as I mentioned earlier, Saquon isn’t 100% and that’s clear by looking at him, watching him, touching him, and smelling him; and legally that’s all I’m allowed to do to him until I eventually take my fight all the way to the Supreme Court. Just let me taste the man! How will that hurt anyone?!
I think, lowkey, we really miss Corey Coleman. He would be our best KR, though Latimer did well in that role last week, and he would be a good outside receiver. No offense to Slayton, Latimer, and Fowler but they aren’t very good at football. They’re good at football, clearly, they’re in the NFL, actually they’re great at football, until you compare them to other NFL players and that’s when it all starts to fall apart for them. Maybe Slayton turns himself into a player, but I think we’re seeing what he is; he has the ability to make dynamic and great catches and follows that up with not being able to track the ball at all – which oddly has happened to him like at least 5 times since pre-season. I’ve never seen that before. He’s a fantastic athlete though and a bubble screen or a tap pass/reverse would be great to see. But Patricia is bad a play calling and utilizing the talent he has.
I hope I’m wrong about Slayton but I think he’ll be a rookie contract value guy who maybe sticks around for another season after that – which isn’t bad for a late draft pick like him. He’s certainly not going to win us any games this year by just taking over. And we really need that this week. We need some WR to really, really show up. So that really puts a lot on Tate.
Golden Tate he’s still a good player. He’s not super dynamic but he can catch and can run after the catch. He doesn’t get much seperation and we play him on the outside too much but I bet he gets 6 receptions because in 4/6 games this year he’s had 6 receptions so it seems like a decent guess.
CJ Mosley is the starting MLB and he’s out of this game. But he’s only played in 2 games this year so it won’t likely matter one way or the other. A sign of bad linebacker play is when safeties lead the team in tackles which Bethea and Peppers do for us. A very confusing stat is when your corners lead the team in tackles, which is the case for the Jetserbockers. How? Why? It’s not like teams have had to pass against them. So why do their corners lead their team in tackles? It has to be an awful sign.
They do have Jamal Adams who is a very good player that we are all thankful doesn’t have a star on the side of his helmet. That’s a good thing. We don’t need the Cowboys to be better at football. They’re already above average and we haven’t seen that since Tony Romo held that field goal just slightly off and the ball fell, and everything went to shit and fuck the Cowboys.
Gregg Williams is the DC in well, in our building but on off days. He’s clearly and obviously a scumbag, a bad person, and has horrible hair for a man his age. He’s also aggressive and not smart. He is known for having middle of the road defenses no matter what his roster is. He also runs a lot of 0 blitzes, which is just man to man and you send everyone else. It’s called a 0 blitz because that’s how much imagination it took to design it; zero. Fuck Gregg Williams. Did you know the extra G in Gregg stands for Fuck Gregg Williams? He’s still serving his life-time ban from coaching in the NFL, I think. I don’t really know.
Let’s talk Danny real quick. I like the kid. Okay...hows that? Enough? No? Okay fine.
Danny Dimes is great, or at least he will be great, or at least he might be great someday, or at least he’ll have great games from time to time. I don’t know. You don’t know. Nobody really knows. He has a problem turning the ball over. He fumbles and throws picks all too often. The interceptions don’t really bother me so much honestly. I’ve grown accustomed to them. It’s really the fumbles. Maybe he should put a glove on like Eli did to show; “I’m not really doing much to fix this but now the papers will leave me alone.”
It’s hard for me to say this, I think Danny may end up being better than Eli someday, I think he’ll reach higher highs. Oh, it doesn’t matter for tomorrow though.
He should be able to move the ball against the Getts.
Saquon is needed, so is Gallman. Honestly, Saquon is hurt and we don’t need a guy to run for 50 yards we need a guy who can run for 5 yards a pop so maybe, just maybe, until our #2 – all world running back is healthy we should use him sparingly. Especially since Gallman is better than people think. He’s a good player. Let him get the run. Meanwhile, Saquon is 35% of our future, Dimes is 40%, and 25% is full of players who aren’t on our roster and our guards. Engram and Shepard may be a part of this but I think Shep is starting to look at the short end of a short career and Engram is like Percy Harvin so much that I half expect him to beat the shit out of Golden Tate out of nowhere.
Also, Evan Engram smokes more weed than anyone reading this right now. There’s no way that dude doesn’t get high as fuck all the time. I love it! I love weed. We should all get high all the time. The world is a dystopian nightmare and weed helps you forget that for about 7 seconds and that’s pretty great. So does beer. I also love beer. But that shit is making me fat.
Wait, wasn’t I supposed to talk about Saquon? Meh, whatever, he’s fucking amazing, we all know that. He’s better when he tries to run for 8 yards as opposed to 80 but whatever, watching him run for 80 yards once in a while is so much god damn fun. I love watching him run. Watching him run is like watching Eli throw the sideline pass to Manningham in the last game we won. It’s like watching Sunday Night Football and knowing, deep in your heart, that Rodney Harrison still thinks about David Tyree catching that pass in the 2nd to last game we ever won.
Honestly I think of Saquon as I did Odell. They’re so god damn amazing that I don’t think we deserve them. Hear me out! We haven’t had a skilled position Hall of Famer (non-QB) since Frank Gifford. Yeah. That’s right. And we’ve got 2 in the Hall of Fame. Listen, I’m not saying that OBJ and Saquon are hall of famers, but they have the talent to be those and the only players we’ve had that even had that talent (again – non-QB because QB is about wins and that’s fucking stupid however you slice it) are Tiki and Shockey. And you guys hate them both. So I don’t know what to even tell you about that.
Anyway, growing up in the 80’s and 90’s I felt more nervous when our team was on offense because that’s when bad things happened. Defense, we always had good players and we made plays. So still, even now, when we have highly dynamic offensive skill players it feels wrong to me. Anyway, it feels so conflicting to have great offensive players. We deserve Reuben Randle and Sterling Shepard, decent players with obvious flaws. I don’t know, we’re the Giants, we’re the only blue collar thing left in NY. And when we have fancy ass players like Saquon it feels like new Manhattan.
I’m not really focusing on the game because this will be my last write up. So I’m just spilling it all out. Why not right? This shit is taking forever! Fuck it, let’s end it.
I really ran out of steam on the offense part because I've had a shit day. So let's just rapid fire some of this in hopes that it will make up for it all.
Those sucked...I've lost it!
Predictions
FINAL THOUGHTS
This wasn’t fun to write and I absolutely guarantee the following comments in some form or another:
These used to be fun. Sorry that they aren’t anymore, if anyone else wants to take them on – they’re all yours.
GIANTS WIN!!! GIANTS WIN!!! AND IF THEY DON’T, THEY MIGHT NOT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!!!
love you all.
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